Firstly, my apologies for dying! I never thought my heart was in such bad condition that it fibrillate from the intensity of your pinkie. Also how did I swell to 16 stone?
Secondly, you’ll need to call an ambulance and may I please ask you to place the obols on my eyes. Just check my wallet for the coins. Tell the paramedics I had been getting hot, flushed and breathless; looking at you they will believe you
They will remove my body for you, all 16 stone of it!!
Thirdly, if the guards want to interview you please tell them anything you need to, to make them bugger off. But one favour, pretend I said something clever or witty with my last lung full.
Perhaps from Titus: I deserve not death, but I repent nothing else in my life except for one thing?
Instead of the CPR nonsense, help yourself to my credit card for a little online shopping before they all arrive, for the inconvenience, like