Tonight's E-I News has been unofficially sponsored by Coca Cola: "Always The Real Thing"
Welcome ladies and gents to tonight's E-I News. As you can see, our funding has been restored due to generous benefactors, therefore we can afford to broadcast commercials once again after the news (in the hopes of increasing viewer numbers). Tonight's main stories: Most romantic man ever?; and the 5 key traits to irresistible women. Emmm, pardon me a moment friends.
{Guys, this is E-I News correct? On E-I? Where love is frowned upon like masturbating on an airplane? Yes? Jepus cripes next time find something that our viewers won't be cringing at ffs!!! I'm surrounded by idiots... *sigh*}
Sorry about that folks. Now back to the news. A Canadian man married his girlfriend of 7 years on the same day as he proposed to her, having secretly planned the whole engagement for the past year. Shawn Lippert had spent the past year gathering information about his future wife’s desired wedding day, to add to his plan dubbed, “Operation White Cake”. Discreetly asking questions Shawn noted every detail down from the décor to the type of cake and began to plan the surprise. His now-wife, Colleen Lippert, thought she was attending a retirement party but was shocked when she realized she had showing up for her own wedding. So when Colleen turned up at the location, picked by her with all the trimmings she had suggested, she was “overwhelmed and overjoyed”. Right... Well f*ck you Shaun for upping the expectations of women around the world for the rest of us guys, eh! Real swell guy... For those of you interested in seeing the ceremonial gathering, follow the following link: Romantic Smug Git is Smug.
Well that's put me in a bad mood... Like I hadn't enough difficulties getting a girlfriend already! Single life forever it seems. Boo hoo! Now... Oh I'm too pissed to carry on. Here's the 5 traits to an irresistible woman in brief:
1) Positive Attitude.
2) Confidence.
3) Curves.
4) Her Voice.
5)Good Sense of Humour.
For full details, please visit: F*ck you Shaun whats-his-name.
That's it for tonight's E-I News. Thank you all very much for watching. This is LDM, signing off. Good night.
Disclaimer: all sponsorships are entirely fabricated and intended for entertainment purposes only.
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