Welcome back my dear ladies and gentleperves to E-I News with me, LDM. Yes yes it has been a while since our last broadcast. But unfortunately further budget cuts have been made and bla bla bla. Tis all office politics which is about as interesting as trolls in a mega orgy with one another. Nice imagery there eh? No? Well f*ck you then you mother-f*cking son of a 3 eyed pansie ****!!! Sorry folks, that wasn't directed at you. It was meant for Barry, our camera man who wouldn't know a Nicon if it was stuck up his arse! Now... To the news-mobile!
Tonight's headlines: bird of a feather or a dino agent; and salty goings on in Oz...
Scientists in China have made a very controversial claim, stating that Archaeopteryx may have not been the oldest bird on Earth and that it may have been only another feathered dinosaur. For those of you not familiar with your prehistory, Archaeopteryx has long been believed to be the oldest and most primitive bird on Earth. It is feathered with many bird and reptilian like features. Since its discovery around 150 years ago, it has been widely believed that Archaeopteryx could well have been somewhat of a 'missing-link' in the dinosaurs evolution into birds, though scientists have never fully agreed on this matter.
Scientists in China analysed a fossil of a creature that is very very similar to Archaeopteryx. The chicken-sized creature, named Xiaotingia zheng, has many features in common with Archaeopteryx. However, it was found that the apparent cousin of Archaeopteryx does not belong in the bird lineage but in the lineage of a group of dinosaurs that includes velociraptors. It is now claimed that good old Archaeopteryx appears in the same group, meaning that Archaeopteryx could just have been another dinosaur and not an actual avian. The finding is tentative, but builds on doubts that have emerged over the special status of archaeopteryx following the discovery of other bird-like dinosaurs and dinosaur-like birds over the past decade or so. If Archaeopteryx was a dinosaur, this means flight evolved at least four times in vertebrates: in reptiles, birds, dinosaurs, and most recently in bats. It has long been established that modern day birds are descended from predatory dinosaurs. There are chances for Archaeopteryx to get back on its perch following further new fossil discoveries, however it appears the scientific world has gone back into the Jurassic!
Incidentally, Steven Spielberg has officially announced that there will be a 4th installment in his Jurassic Park franchise, and that perhaps it may be the star of a new trilogy.
Finally tonight, drivers in Australia were given a shock as a saltwater crocodile slithered out of a drain before being cornered by street sweepers. The 1.5m reptile emerged from the sewer on a main street in Cairns on Thursday morning. It was eventually captured by a park ranger and a few burly volunteers who threw a towel over it and fastened its mouth shut. As the reptile was taken into a nearby vehicle, one bystander quipped to the ranger: "Make sure he's buckled up mate". The crocodile is now in the custody of Queensland Parks and Wildlife. An average of two people are killed each year in Australia by saltwater crocodiles, known locally as "salties". Salties can grow up to 7m long and weigh more than a tonne. Well how do you like that? Poor croc minding his own business then people croc-nap the poor guy! Taken away from his/her home! For all we know the poor thing could've been out getting groceries for the family or getting its claws done in the local Crocodile Dundee's! Crikey mate!!!
Incidentally, female crocs make excellent mothers and are known to protect other females offspring.
Well that's it for tonight's E-I News. Good night to all and may your night be filled with pleasure and joy. This is LDM, signing off.