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Thread: How to Dump a Man......

  1. #1
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    Default How to Dump a Man......

    HOW TO DUMP A MAN

    Dear ________,
    I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

    Check those that apply...
    1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

    2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

    3. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

    4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

    5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

    6. ___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

    7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

    8. ___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

    9. ___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

    10. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

    11. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

    12. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

    13. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

    14 ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

    15. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

    16. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

    17. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

    18. ___I am out of your league, so set your sights lower next time.

    Sincerely,

  2. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to SexyCoolbabe Lauren For This Useful Post:

    69patrick69 (09-07-11), anitasizzle (09-07-11), bert dublin (09-07-11), Forrest (09-07-11), hd7055 (09-07-11), ksteve (09-07-11), Rayden (09-07-11), English Nina (09-07-11), wanted the best 69 (11-07-11)

  3. #2
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    Would ya ever have the balls to say any of that lol

    Nina
    xx

  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by SEXYCOOLBABE - LAUREN View Post
    HOW TO DUMP A MAN

    Dear ________,
    I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

    Check those that apply...
    1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

    What's wrong with 'Dongleberry Coolbabe'

    2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

    I was named after my father, and am very proud to be called Tarquin, shame on you.

    3. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

    Going Dutch in KFC is all the rage these days

    4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

    I'm in the import / export business - condoms by the truckload is nothing

    5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

    I fell asleep after the first question. Btw, what was it again????????????

    6. ___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

    I have plenty of time on my hands because my secretary does my emailing for me, and she's great at dicktation

    7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

    I find that hard to believe, but you know best

    8. ___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

    What harm would that be It will build his character

    9. ___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

    We're all the same height lying down. Get over it ffs!!!!!!!!!!!!

    10. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

    ???????????????????? Don't see a problem here.

    11. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

    Cleanliness and Godliness, I'm always getting confused between them.

    12. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

    Leave Momma outta this. It's not her fault she loves me so much.

    13. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

    Ah, beam me up Scotty, ffs!!!

    14 ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

    And what's wrong with that. At least I have a hobby.

    15. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

    You should hear me fart the National Anthem. It's a classic.

    16. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

    Everything is out of proportion with me, but you weren't complaining when I unleashed my trousersnake, remember

    17. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

    They were for the staff goodie bags. It's builds up morale and team bonding.

    18. ___I am out of your league, so set your sights lower next time

    I didn't think I could go any lower. Next stop the Devil's own hell.

    Sincerely,

    Will you please reconsider.
    Last edited by Forrest; 09-07-11 at 19:44.

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  6. #4
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    10 and 18 are defo familiar problems for me

  7. #5
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    Ha Ha good one Lauren lmao

  8. #6
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    I thought this was gonna be about rolling him in some carpet and hoping the car boot's big enough

  9. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SEXYCOOLBABE - LAUREN View Post
    HOW TO DUMP A MAN

    Dear ________,
    I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavours, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

    Check those that apply...
    1. ___Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.

    2. ___Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.

    3. ___The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tighter!

    4. ___Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.

    5. ___You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.

    6. ___Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!

    7. ___Your legs are skinnier than mine.

    8. ___ You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.

    9. ___ You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.

    10. ___I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.

    11. ___The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.

    12. ___The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.

    13. ___Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.

    14 ___Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.

    15. ___Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.

    16. ___Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.

    17. ___Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.

    18. ___I am out of your league, so set your sights lower next time.

    Sincerely,
    as sum1 that has been recently dumped!!! for being........... 'TOO NICE'.............thanks for that

    jay67

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by jay67 View Post
    as sum1 that has been recently dumped!!! for being........... 'TOO NICE'.............thanks for that

    jay67
    Sorry to hear that Jay plenty of ladies here who would love you for being TOO NICE you were prob too good for her anyways,,
    Women pfftttt duno what they had til its gone,,think they prefer being with guys who r total cunts to them,, seems that way !!

  11. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by UKHeather View Post
    I thought this was gonna be about rolling him in some carpet and hoping the car boot's big enough
    So that's why you asked how tall I was!

    “I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy!”
    “All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to El Gordo For This Useful Post:

    UKHeather (09-07-11)

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by skywalker85 View Post
    Sorry to hear that Jay plenty of ladies here who would love you for being TOO NICE you were prob too good for her anyways,,
    Women pfftttt duno what they had til its gone,,think they prefer being with guys who r total cunts to them,, seems that way !!
    thanks mate,doesnt seem that way at the min.................yeah your dead right there it seems they want to be treated like shit!!!.........so ive given up on them(irish 1's anyway)off to canada in 2 weeks.BRING IT ON lol

    jay67

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