For all the single guys here - Prenuptial Agreement

[Forrest]

Lads, give this to you girlfriend before you agree to marry her.

If she signs it, you are on to a winner, if she doesn't...............next


I, ...................................., agree that:
(enter Girlfriend's name above)


1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly
rolled on top of me and pumped away for five minutes, wheezing like an old
man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.

2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take
the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team
lose, I agree that - by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible
to woman - it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.

3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I will tell them
that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak.

4. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

5. After sex, I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm
goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.

6. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname.

7. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual position you
fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.

8. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues.
Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt
to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that you have "ruined me for other men".

9. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and
remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will
only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in
charge of the lot. Except for the iron and the washing machine, of course.




Signed ____________________________________

Date ______________________________________