Good evening (or morning, whatever), I am LDM and this is my invisible friend, Rudy. Today's headlines: Aussie PM calls for end to planking craze; fathers to get over five months paternity leave; fans pissed off cos Dannii Minogue axed from X Factor; and finally, 2 year old girl saved by toothbrush.
Aussie Prime Minister Julia Gillard has called for the new viral craze of planking to cease. This corresponds to yesterday's news of a 20 year old male dying after he attempted this new craze. Police in Queensland have no problem with planking itself, but have urged all plankers to practice at safe locations. Deputy Commissioner Ross Barnett told reporters: "Ultimately, is it worth life in a wheelchair to take a funny photo to impress somebody you don't know on the internet?".
Fathers in the United Kingdom are to be given up to five and a half months paid leave for the birth of a new child. Well... That's pretty much it. *covers microphone*: Rudy stop biting your finger nails, you're really starting to piss me off!
X-Factor fans are very mad after Dannii Minogue announced she will not be returning as a judge for the show. Apparently there is some scandal surrounding this with regards to Dannii's schedule clashing and a lack of cooperation on behalf of the shows producers. A source said: "She was put in a terrible position of being told she would have do that dreadful 25-hour flight countless times over the next few months if she wanted to do the show. No attempt was made to move dates for her or to help her out.” Hmm... I dunno why anyone's complaining, personally I prefer Kylie.
And finally, a toothbrush with a retail value of £3 has apparently saved a 2 year old girl, Katie, who was diagnosed with cancer. A flashing light on the Tesco toothbrush alerted the girls mother to an abnormal white reflection in her eye. Apparently this was caught just in time to save her life as medics are confident of the child's chances of survival and are to begin with an emergency operation to remove her eye. Let us all hope and pray that Katie gets better.
Thank you for tuning into E-I news at midnight. Good night.
*off air*: RUDY HOW THE F*CK AM I SUPPOSED TO BROADCAST THE NEWS WHEN YOU'RE JACKING OFF TO KYLIE MINOGUE'S PICTURE???