How to Ban Users - the E-I Mods Handbook
Thank you for becoming an E-I mod. Your monthly salary and directions to your free punt are being paypalled to you right this minute. But for now, let's take a look at the most important of an E-I moderator's job - banning people.
WHO TO BAN?
E-I mods, as part of their terms and conditions of employment, are to ban the following people:
(i) banned users returning under a new username
(ii) users who attempt to poke holes in our system
(iii) cunts who are asking for it
Point (iii) is entirely flexible, and revolves around your super-special ability to weed out trolls. When you see a troll, ban!
WHO ARE TROLLS?
Basically, a troll is someone whose posting looks like it's going to stop the management making another million euros this month from their internet service pimpery - errrr, provision. Internet service provision. Yes. Trolls are dangerous subversive bastards whose online capering causes the punters to have second thoughts about what they're doing, and if they're thinking with their brains, they're not thinking with their dongles, know what we mean? Sure you do. Ban ban ban!!!
HOW TO BAN - A STEP BY STEP GUIDE
1. Select username to be banned.
2. Click on username.
3. Move your mouse cursor over the ban button (pictured below).
4. Unzip your fly.
5. Take out your penis, and stroke it slowly to erection.
6. Keep stroking, savouring the moment.
7. Stroke it. Oh yeah. Then, at the point of no return, click your right mouse button and...
8. BAN THAT FUCKER!!!!
9. Sit in your own cock custard for a bit.
10. Check your paypal balance. Congratulations! You've just earned another E-I paycheque!!!