I would point out to him the logical impossibility of his existence. If this did not make him vanish in a puff of smoke I would point out that all of his supposed deeds are more easily explained by happenstance, randomness and fabrication and let him slink off with his tail between his legs (yes, he has a tail). On the off-chance that he still hasn't given up I explain that since I didn't ask to be born, I have no legally enforceable contract with him and am not subject to his whims and dictats.
As a last resort-
I would challenge him to a game of chess, winner take all. Then I shout 'look behind you!' and when his back is turned I place my queen beside his king. Checkmate!! God complains 'You cheated' so i say with a shrug 'Life's not fair.' I pummel him for being such a wuss, then I make him my bitch.
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Record 2-time E-I Fantasy Football Champion 2010/11, 2013/14
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