A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.
“Ha**! That’s not going to help,” she said.
“Sure, it does,” he said. “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”
A man tells his doctor that he’s incapable of doing all the things around the house that he used to do.
When the examination is over, he says, “Okay, Doctor. In plain English—what’s wrong with me?”
“Well, in plain English,” says the doctor, “you’re just lazy.”
The man nods. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”