Married Bliss

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Worried about their less than exciting sex life, a young wife sends her husband to a therapist who winds up treating him with self-hypnosis. To her joy, everything gets much better. However, she can't help but notice that each night, just before their lovemaking, the husband dashes out to the bathroom for several minutes. This torments her until finally, one night, she follows him. There, in front of the mirror, she finds him applying this therapeutic technique, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife.”

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A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.
At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party,
so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket she was handing him
to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door,
down the steps, and out to the beach.

As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman walking alongside the water
just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself "Wouldnt it be great if she
would even just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place.

They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around.
It got so hot and heavy, that he was exhausted afterwards and passed out there.
At seven oclock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no! My wifes dinner party!"
He gathered all his clothes, put them on really quickly, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door.
He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment.
He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails.
There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing
in the door way wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails on the steps,
then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said - "Come on guys, we're almost there!"

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Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, "You're only interested in one thing," and you can't remember what it is.

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A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem. While there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150
or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000"
The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home.
The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here,
and it would only cost $150????"
The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance!"

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