Married Bliss

[emmasweet]

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends."The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if thats all you want, get a TV!"


Judge: Are you married?
A. No, I'm divorced.
Judge. And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
A. A lot of things I didn't know about.

[emmasweet]

A bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?" "Okay, sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is put the prisoner in the prison." And they made love for the first time and the husband was smiling with satisfaction. Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped." Turning on his side, he smiles and says, "Then we will have to re-imprison him." After the second time, the bride says, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!" The husband rises to the occasion and they made love again. The bride again says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again," to which the husband yelled, "Hey, it's not a life sentence!!!"

[emmasweet]

Satan appeared before a small town congregation.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door,
trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

[HairyPotter]

unfortunately the bliss doesn't last very long, just until honeymoon is over.

[emmasweet]

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.


Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.


They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

[Forrest]

[Forrest]

[Forrest]

[Forrest]

[loveat1stfeel]

Two ladies on their way home from a night out get caught short and decide to relieve themselves in a cemetry,to clean themselves up one uses her underwear and the other uses a wreath,the following evening the 2 husbands are having a drink in the pub and one says to the other...." l'll have to keep an eye on my wife,she could be having an affair,she came home last night with no knickers on...."..."you think that's bad says the other guy,mine had a card stuck between the cheecks of her arse saying we'll never forget you from all the lads at the station "