Married Bliss

**johnb59** · 17-01-14, 19:58

Originally Posted by tipp oldie

We had a power cut yesterday. I couldn't use my computer. I couldn't watch television. I passed away the time chatting to my wife. She seems to be a very nice person.

we had the same power cut and i just went out for a decent chat?lol

**Forrest** · 25-01-14, 11:58

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to attend a lecture about gambling, hookers, alcohol abuse and the effects
it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."

**royaler** · 25-01-14, 16:23

A young woman went to visit her 97yr old grandmother to comfort her following the death of her 98yr old grandfather earlier that day.

Grandmother: at least he died happy

Granddaughter: why do you say that

GM : well my dear, we were making love when sadly he had a heart attack

Shocked GD: two people, nearly 100yrs old, making love !!!!

GM: oh yes my dear, every Sunday morning we would make slow, warm and passionate love while listening to the sound of the Church bells. He would go in with the 'ding' and out out with the 'dong'. How were we to know that the bloody ice cream van would pass by!!!

**emmasweet** · 08-02-14, 20:41

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night.. whether you're here or not."

**emmasweet** · 09-02-14, 22:25

**royaler** · 14-02-14, 01:26

Brilliant Emma ... pmsl ... and Happy Valentines Day XX

**emmasweet** · 20-02-14, 20:46

Top ten things not to say on your Anniversary

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking.

9. Today is our what?

8. Okay, let's celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events?

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband.

5. You don't like what I pick out, so I thought why bother.

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here's a $5 gift certificate for McDonald's.

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I'll take you to Pizza Hut if it'll shut ya up.

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love.

**emmasweet** · 26-02-14, 18:57

**emmasweet** · 26-02-14, 18:59

**Forrest** · 28-02-14, 18:43

Wife : Honey before we got married, you used to give me gifts and expensive jewellery.
Husband : Yes…so ?
Wife : How come you don’t do it anymore ?
Husband : Have you ever seen a fisherman give worms to the fish after catching it?

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