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Thread: Tesco Shopping

  1. #1
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    Lightbulb Tesco Shopping

    The New Tesco Doctor
    One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Benny says to James behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"

    Listen mate: “don't waste your time down at the surgery”, James replies. “There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid....a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points”.

    So Benny collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
    He deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

    Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks".

    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Benny began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for good measure. Benny hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.

    He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
    results with a grin. The computer prints the following:
    1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    4) Your wife is pregnant. Black twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better....

    Thank you for shopping at Tesco!

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  2. The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Forrest For This Useful Post:

    An don (30-09-10), benin (30-09-10), bert dublin (30-09-10), ga1 (30-09-10), hd7055 (30-09-10), JAMESCORK (30-09-10), lcilis26 (30-09-10), Lucy Chambers (30-09-10), mature abby (30-09-10), Paddii (30-09-10), Rayden (30-09-10), Ric Hardgear (30-09-10), TheBestPoster (21-02-11), westcorklad (30-09-10)

  3. #2
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    Is that a true story or did you just make it up....

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    Quote Originally Posted by JAMESCORK View Post
    Is that a true story or did you just make it up....
    Of course it's a true story Jimbop. Benny told Milfie, Milfie told Poggo, Poggo told Harry, Harry told Cable, Cable told..........

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    benin (30-09-10), JAMESCORK (30-09-10), TheBestPoster (21-02-11)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Forrest View Post
    Of course it's a true story Jimbop. Benny told Milfie, Milfie told Poggo, Poggo told Harry, Harry told Cable, Cable told..........
    but you said you would never tell anyone ya tool
    pmsl nice one forrest

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    Forrest (30-09-10)

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    Quote Originally Posted by Forrest View Post
    Of course it's a true story Jimbop. Benny told Milfie, Milfie told Poggo, Poggo told Harry, Harry told Cable, Cable told..........
    and no one told me , i had to read here first

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    Quote Originally Posted by An don View Post
    and no one told me , i had to read here first
    dont feel bad donna thats cause we dont like you...dont take it personal lol

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    Quote Originally Posted by An don View Post
    and no one told me , i had to read here first
    I told ya Donna...you dont remember...you were too busy with your head up yer arse entertaing Ms Chambers

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