Torment ...

[Sensual Delights]

I applied this year to many many courses (as my dear Anna knows already )
All from level 6 to level 8, in Business, Accounts, Chemistry, Complementary Health Therapy etc ...

I was surprised to receive this morning a text message, an email and a letter about me getting a place on a level 8 course in Accounting & Finance. I am really tormented by this. This was my last application course with CAO, my first one being of a same type, in Business.

Working as a masseuse and getting a higher specialisation in accounts & finance
Who am I kidding? I already have a lower qualification there (level 6) and I do nothing with it.

Also ... if I actually accept this course, I won't have as much time for my massage services, which are my only bread and butter at the moment. That means I might find myself really short on cash sometimes.

There is the option that I go back to escorting for a while, so I can be able to manage both my studies and get also enough money to sustain myself. But for some reason I am a little afraid to do this

Do you see my torment?
Studying without a hope I can do something with the qualification in the real life, plus the money issues while I'll do it.
Not studying, meaning that I have no idea what I'll do in a few years time ...

I feel like this now ...