“I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy!”
“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
Blatant promotion should be outlawed
but
Vincent Browne is a Hero
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
Kierkegaard wrote:
"Marry, and you will regret it. Do not marry, and you will also regret it. Marry or do not marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the stupidities of the world, and you will regret it; weep over them, and you will also regret it. Laugh at the stupidities of the world or weep over them, you will regret it either way. Trust a girl, and you will regret it. Do not trust her, and you will also regret it. Trust a girl or do not trust her, you will regret it either way. Hang yourself, and you will regret it. Do not hang yourself, and you will also regret it. Hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret it either way."
from Either/Or 1843
It is probably true.
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Record 2-time E-I Fantasy Football Champion 2010/11, 2013/14
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johnmurphy (04-08-10), Lucy Chambers (04-08-10), luther (04-08-10)
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
You could always live together with a partner before deciding to get married or not.
Long enough to see if your relationship is better for it or not - or at least worth the troubles or boredom that's going to bring.
The way some of you are talking here is like you just take the woman on a few dates and then you go straight ahead and marry her. What are the chances for that to work I wonder
But when you live with someone for more then 6 months, sometimes much longer, you get to know the real person.
Not the one that you think she / he is, the actual person. If you don't like what you see, just leave or demand the other person to leave, whatever the case might be. There is no alimony to pay, no goods to split, no mortgage etc ...
If it's all good, nothing is stopping you to plan your marriage, which has now much better chances to work. I am not saying it will work 100% because nothing is guaranteed in this world (other then dying ) but you will have actual real chances to never regret your doing.
Even if you decide not to get married, it doesn't matter much in this ideal compatible situation. Unless maybe a child comes along and you want to give the kid a proper family and a sense of security.
Cable87 (04-08-10), johnmurphy (04-08-10)
I think the problem her is the actual finality of marriage, many of the people in the survey im sure were already
cohabitating but once u put on that ring it changes the whole thing. In reality escape from the relationship was
but the packing of a bag away before marriage afterwards not so easy. Ure after totally committing to the relationship
now. I think u also have the scenario where partners expect different things from each other once they marry,it ups
the ante so to speak and they may feel now that they are entitled to more input into even the other partners
personal decisions. Personally i know of several relationships where people seemed to living happily together until
the ring went on and then the cracks started to appear. I reckon maybe people dont work as hard as they should
at the relationship either because they kinda relax and say sur i have him/her now. As they say familiarity breeds
contempt
Blatant promotion should be outlawed
but
Vincent Browne is a Hero
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
That's true as well but I am actually surprised about that living together for a long time doesn't seem to help in your case.
I was living together with a few guys back home (not with all in the same time, lol).
For the very best of them, the average time I needed to really get to know them and make up my mind I never want to marry them was about 2 years. With the others, I would realise much faster they are not really for me.
Maybe is just my mind working differently here.
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
I know what you mean. Usually at least one of the pair is expecting things to change in some way after the wedding. Otherwise why would they have bothered to get married? The problem is that often they have different assumptions about how things will change, which they may not have discussed in advance.
“I wish you wouldn’t keep appearing and vanishing so suddenly; you make one quite giddy!”
“All right,” said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
I'd say you're right on the money there Ber.
Back at Christmas time I was home, and got to meet up with a few mates from secondary (been 10 years gone since we've finished), and I was sitting with 3 friends (1 guy, 2 girls), and they were all married, save for me. The gug had been married for 2 years beofre things got to the point where she moved out, and the divorce was nearly finalized, after a year of separation. One of the girls, who'd tracked me down on Facebook after not seeing or hearing from her in years, said that her husband was moving out in a weeks' time. The other girl was the only one that was happily married, ann she'd been with the guy for 2 years before they were married, so it's going on over 4 years together for them.
The 2 whose marriages were breaking up, especially the girl, said that something in the relationship really changed, and obviously for the worse, since they got married. they'd lived together for a good while before getting married, adn all was well for them. There was just something about actually getting married that changed things for them, and they really couldn't place it exactly. But I'd say they were agree with the things you've said here.
My brother is getting married in November, and I'd be trying to talk him out of it (if he wasn't such a %$@)! Oh well, maybe he'll just have to learn the hard way...
johnmurphy (04-08-10)
johnmurphy (04-08-10), MILF Hunter (04-08-10)