Joke of the day

[royaler]

Announcing the iTit !!!!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music. The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size. This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts---and not listening to them.

[Dirty Harry]

i saw a man in the ocean earlier and he was screaming help shark i started to laugh because i knew a shark wouldn't help him.

[Dirty Harry]

my penis is so polite it stands up so girls will have somewhere to sit.

[Dirty Harry]

i brought a girl back to my place last night as we moved into the bedroom it was a bit tricky explaning the fact that i still slept with my teddy bear it wasen't any easier explaning the used condom jammed up its arse ether!

[Dirty Harry]

i was watching the news about the stricken cruise ship when the sky news presenter said she's lyin on her side with a gash the size of a tennis court i just happend to glance over at the wife on the sofa and now its all kicked off here.

[Forrest]

Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House,
he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The Marine guard snaps to attention,
salutes and says:“Nice pigs, sir.”

The President replies “These are not pigs…these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs.
I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of The House Nancy Pelosi.”
The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes and says, “Excellent trade, sir.”

[Forrest]

A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men.
In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, where exactly is Larry's bar?"

[royaler]

The Ballerina

> The Irish are at it again .....

> A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in
Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as
she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here
will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to
ignore her.

> But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand
down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

> The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She
turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the
same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another
drink?"

> Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

> The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you
keep calling her the ballerina?"

> The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got
to be a ballerina!"

[bigladdub]

The Ballerina

> The Irish are at it again .....

> A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sundress, walked into a bar in
Dublin, Ireland. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as
she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here
will buy a woman a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to
ignore her.

> But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand
down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

> The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She
turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the
same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady another
drink?"

> Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar
and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

> The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me, Paddy,
it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you
keep calling her the ballerina?"

> The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got
to be a ballerina!"

pmsl mate!!!!!!

bld

[Chloe Uk]

Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one, but after looking through her drawers and finding a nurse outfit, a French maids outfit and a police woman's uniform.. He finally decided........ if she cant hold sown a fucking job shes not for me....