Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
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Dirty Harry (08-02-13), Forrest (24-01-13)
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This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'll do anything to get a message to her." The clerk replies "Anything?". "Yes.... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde. He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him. "Unzip me..." She does. "Take it out..... go ahead." She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead... do it..." She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"
Dirty Harry (08-02-13), Forrest (24-01-13), Patt113 (08-02-13), Sexy Fernanda (25-01-13), simon2280 (25-01-13), simplesimon (24-01-13), Tommy H (03-03-13)
. To commemorate the release of the topless photos of Kate Middleton, Royal Doulton will be releasing a Collector's Edition of two small jugs
xxx
Dirty Harry (08-02-13), Forrest (24-01-13), longtipp (24-01-13)
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A really good one, Sexy Kataleya..there you..
Originally Posted by Sexy Kataleya
"
.. A Woman could be happy with any Man as long as she does not Marry him..""
Sexy Fernanda (25-01-13), simon2280 (25-01-13), Tommy H (03-03-13)
The 100m final at the 2012 Olympics was just like any other Friday night in Brixton. You heard a gunshot followed by 8 black guys legging it!
xxx
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A Man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the Butcher about the cost of these brains.
Man: How much does it cost for engineer brain?
Butcher: Three dollars an ounce.
Man: How much does it cost for programmer brain?
Butcher: Four dollars an ounce.
Man: How much for lawyer brain?
Butcher: $1,000 an ounce.
Man: Why is lawyer brain so much more?
Butcher: Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?..!!
Last edited by La Toya; 25-01-13 at 01:30.
"
.. A Woman could be happy with any Man as long as she does not Marry him..""
Dirty Harry (08-02-13), emmasweet (28-01-13), Forrest (26-01-13), longtipp (25-01-13), simplesimon (25-01-13), Tommy H (03-03-13)
A clearly inebriated woman, stark naked, jumped into
a taxi in New York City, laid down on the back seat and said
“Let’s go!”
The cab driver, opened his eyes wide, staring at the woman. He made no attempt
to start the cab.
The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong
with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked
woman before?"
The old taxi driver answered, "Let me tell you
sumsing, lady I vasn't staring at you like you
tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."
The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if
you're not staring at my boobs or ass sweetie, what
are you doing then?"
He paused a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am,
I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking
to myself, 'Vair in da hell is dis lady keeping
de money to pay for dis ride?
Now, that's a REAL Businessman!
Dirty Harry (08-02-13), emmasweet (28-01-13), Forrest (26-01-13), La Toya (26-01-13), simon2280 (25-01-13), simplesimon (25-01-13), Tommy H (03-03-13)
IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said: "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop, and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said: "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey. Shamus said: "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my
zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said: "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of
this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost
the sausage in."
IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said: "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop, and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said: "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey. Shamus said: "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my
zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said: "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of
this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost
the sausage in."
IRISH SAUSAGES
Shamus and Murphy fancied a pint or two but didn't have a lot of money between them; they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro.
Murphy said: "Hang on, I have an idea."
He went next door to the butcher's shop, and came out with one large sausage.
Shamus said: "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"
Murphy replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints of Guinness and two glasses of Jamieson Whiskey. Shamus said: "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"
Murphy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry; I have a plan, Cheers!"
They downed their Drinks. Murphy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my
zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth."
The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out.
They continued this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for
free.
At the tenth pub Shamus said: "Murphy - I don't think I can do any more of
this. I'm drunk and me knees are killing me!"
Murphy said, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost
the sausage in."
xxx
Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine.
As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.
Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down
He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.
Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed.
To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.
xxx
emmasweet (28-01-13), Forrest (26-01-13), Patt113 (08-02-13), simplesimon (27-01-13), Tommy H (03-03-13)
News Flash. 1000 Israeli soldiers entered Jordan yesterday,it is said that shes a bit sore today.
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