Joke of the day

[Dirty Harry]

my phone is on the blink poxy eye phones

[Forrest]

One night a policewoman pulls over a drunk driver.
She politely asks him to step out of his car. He willingly does so.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be Held against you."
He replies "BREASTS."

[Nyna]

A Jewish woman says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Sheldon ! All he wants is anal sex and my asshole is now the size of a 50 cent piece when it used to be the size of a 5 cent piece." Mother says "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman, you live in an 8 bedroom mansion, you drive a Ferrari, you get $1000 a week allowance, you take 6 vacations a year and you want to throw all that away for 45 cents ! Are you crazy?



A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.
The policeman said:
- Take that sheep to the zoo, now.
Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.
The policeman stops the guy and says:
- What on earth are you doing with that sheep?
The guy says:
- What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I''m taking him to the movies. ) ))

[Forrest]

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door.
The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat
and has the wagon tied to a dog.

The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?"

The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says.

"Thanks mister" says the little girl.

The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie
that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!'

[Dirty Harry]

can you just spare 2euro ranji is a 24 year old muslim man in pakistan he has one leg one arm and one eye each day he has to ride 7miles just for water along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels no brakes and only one pedal if you can just send us 2euro we'll send you the dvd it's fuckin hilarious. Only a joke now folks

[Dirty Harry]

my wife told me she was leaving me because of my weird facination with animal faeces i went apeshit

[Dirty Harry]

my wife left me due to my obsession with leathal weapon i'm too old for this shit

[Forrest]

Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs,
all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.


Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.


Q: What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
A: FUCKS FUNNY


Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

[Forrest]

Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's?
A: Because he has holes in his hands.


Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey?
A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.


Q: What have women and condoms got in common?
A: If they're not on your dick they're in your wallet.

[kitty thai]

cheap food for the freezer. That's why mums go to iceland.
Cheap young sluts that will do anything in bed. That's why dads go to thailand

this joke it not funny..and no respect..