Joke of the day

**joggon** · 26-11-16, 19:32

Dublin city christmas lights

**joggon** · 28-11-16, 13:31

Injury and Accident insurance claim adverts are bollox, when my nextdoor neighbour cut herself on our fence they told me to try and take some pictures of her gash.....guess who's in court tommorow??

**Klittyliker** · 11-12-16, 21:28

Dear Santa...
Last year you got me a Sweater for Christmas.
This year I would prefer a Moaner or a Screamer!

I've just noticed the wife is wearing her sexy underwear.
This can only mean one thing...
She's behind with the washing!

Well it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job...
I really do hope it's me this year!

**ford pefect** · 12-12-16, 12:20

Teenage boy is curious about sex and plucks up the courage to ask his dad , he says what is a girls vagina like before sex, the father ponders and says , you know when we go fishing early in the morning and the petals on the flowers have the morning dew on them , it's like that .
And what's it like after sex ?Dad says Did you ever see a bulldog eating porridge

**fin101** · 12-12-16, 15:43

Just bought my ex-wife a pair of slippers and a Vibrator for Christmas.
sure if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself

**willie wacker** · 07-02-17, 10:25

.

Never eat wedding cake

**emmasweet** · 13-02-17, 23:50

Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

**as i see it** · 14-02-17, 17:30

Wife asks her husband what has he arranged for valentines......He replies do you know Paris. ...yes she replies getting excited.....do you know Barcelona. ....or yes she screams unable to hold it in.....great he says turn on Rte tonight PSG vs barcelona is on.

**Forrest** · 26-02-17, 09:56

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night".
The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV.
When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"

**Forrest** · 26-02-17, 09:59

A Boy was having sex with a girl on a Railway track.. The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it.. He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants... The driver shouts out to the boy "Do u realize that if I had not seen u, this would have been ur last fuck..!!!
The boy replies, "Listen dude, u were coming... She was coming.... and I was coming.... then I realised ....only you have Brakes"

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