Joke of the day

[beautyaddict]

If laziness was an Olympic sport
I’d make sure I came fourth
Just to avoid the walk to the podium

Do not absolutely not give up the day job

[whiteball]

Mike: "Hey buddy, what's wrong?"
Paddy: "Just had a big fight with the
wife. That woman fights for no fricken
reason at all."
Mike: "Why? What happened?"
Paddy: "We were both very excited and
were just about to start having sex. She
removed her jeans and then her top, when
I asked, "Why are you wearing your sisters
bra?"

[whiteball]

Young lad walks into a pharmacy and says to
the pharmacist, "I need a pack of 3 condoms."
Pharmacist says, "you going to need 3?"
Lad replies, "I've got a meal at my girlfriends
tonight and I think her mum and sister both
fancy me so I'm going to smash all three of
them, they're well fit." Pharmacist says, "Lucky
you."
That night the young lad sat at the dinner table
his girlfriend and her mum and sister when her
dad walks in and joins them. Young lad sinks into
his chair and starts to pray for five minutes. His
girlfriend says to him, "I didn't know you was so
religious!" The young lad replies, "I didn't know
your dad was a pharmacist."

[joggon]

[whiteball]

Met a girl the other night. I said,
"I'm gonna make love to you in my
lounge, bedroom, kitchen, and the
hallway!"
She said, "It's nice to pull a bloke
with your kind of stamina!"
She was gutted when I took her back
to my caravan!

[joggon]

[whiteball]

Went swimming today. Took a pee in
the deep end.
Lifeguard noticed. Blew his frikking
whistle so loud I almost fell in.

[whiteball]

Little Johnny and a friend go into
the forest and walk around, suddenly
they see a naked woman.
Little Johnny turns around and runs
away, the friend chasses him.
He asks, "Why did you run away?"
Little Johnny replies, "My mom told
me if I saw a naked woman, I'd turn
to stone and I already felt something
getting hard!"

[whiteball]

Paddy and Murphy fancy a pint but
only have 1 euro between them.
Paddy goes off and buys a sausage.
Murphy says, "are you mad? Now
we're skint!"
"Come on," says Paddy, "fellow me."
They go into the pub order two pints
and drink them before they pay.
Paddy shoves the sausage through
the zipper of his jeans and tells Murphy
to get down on his knees and suck it.
The barman go's berserk and throws
them out.
10 pubs and 10 pints later Murphy says...
"I can't do this anymore, my knee's are too
sore and I'm pissed."
"How do you think I feel?" says Paddy, "I
can't even remember which pub I lost the
sausage in!!"

[whiteball]

ALWAYS WEAR UNDERWEAR...
Always wear underwear in public, especially
when working under your vehicle. From the
local paper comes this story of a Brisbane
couple who drove their car to the shopping
centre, only to have their car break down in
the car park. The man told his wife to carry
on with the shopping while he fixed the car.
The wife returned later to see a small group
of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of hairy
legs protruding from under the chassis.
Unfortunately, although the man was shorts,
his lack of underpants turned his private parts
into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the
embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward
and quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked
everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the
bonnet and found herself staring at her husband
who was standing idly by watching.
The R.A.C.Q mechanic however, had to have three
stitches in his forehead.