Joke of the day

[whiteball]

THE IRISH PROSTITUTE:

A Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her Father cursed her heavily.
"Where have ye been all this tjme, child? Why did ye
not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can
ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother through?"
The girl crying, replied, "Dad... I became a prostitute."
"Ye what!? Get out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You're a disgrace to this Catholic Family."
"OK, Dad... as ye wish. I only came back to give mum this
Luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion.
Plus a 5 million euro saving certificate. For me little brother,
this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes
limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership
to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all
to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera."
"What was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad.
Girl, crying again, "A prostitute, Daddy!"
"Oh! My Goodness! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said
a Protestant! Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!!!"

[whiteball]

.........

[Forceuser]

[Luckybanana]

These are brilliant 🤣

[whiteball]

Max and his wife Lola received a letter
from their daughter who went to study
modern physics overseas.
SHE WROTE~
"My beloved Parents, I miss you so much
and it breaks my heart to think that by the
time I get back, you will be so old. So,
enclosed you will find a bottle of red potion
I have invented. It will make you five years
younger. So when I return you will be the
same age as I left you.
NOTE:
"Please, take only a drop. Goodbye I love you."
So they open the envelope and in it, was a bottle
with red potion.
Max looked at his wife and said, "You go first."
So Lola took a drop, there after Max followed.
Indeed the wife turns 5 years younger.
Years later, the daughter returns home to find her
mother younger and happier, carrying a baby on her
back.
The daughter was happy and asks about her father.
"Your father? Hmmmm, you know men don't listen!
He drank the whole bottle."
"Whaaaat?!!!! So where is he?" Asked her daughter.....
"Guess who's on my back...?!!!!!"

[whiteball]

I got chatting to a girl in a club,
"Can I buy you a drink?" I asked.
"Have you not got a girlfriend? she
replied, "Guys like you always have
girlfriends."
"No, sadly we broke up just over a
month ago," I assured her.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that," she said,
"Go on then, I'll have a white wine
please."
A few drinks later after a kiss and a
cuddle we headed off to her place and
made passionate love. While I was
putting my clothes back on she said, "So,
you're good looking, a nice guy and amazing
in bed, can I ask why on earth you split
with your girlfriend?"
I said, "My wife found out!!"

[whiteball]

I was so drunk last night.
When I got to the bottom
of the stairs, I took off my
shoes, coat, top, trousers
and underwear.
I crept upstairs very quietly...
It was only when I got to the
top of the stairs, I realised I
was on a fucking bus!!!

[whiteball]

My girlfriend has been working
as a magician's assistant for a few
years now and she's picked up a
few tricks.
I came home from work early the
other day to fine her dressed in
her magician's little sexy outfit.
She said, !Abracadabra!" and my
mate Dave came out of the wardrope
stark bollock naked.
Poor Dave must've wondered what
the fuck was going on!

[Forceuser]

When the uber driver is a bit sketchy but every one is too drunk to care

[whiteball]

So, Peggy and her husband Bert like to go
to the air show every year.
Every Peggy suggest they go on the helicopter
ride but her husband Bert rejects saying,
"Peggy, it's E35 each and thirty-five euros is
thirty-five euros!"
Anyway, they are at the latest show and
Peggy says, "Bert, I'm 81 years old. If I don't
ride that helicopter, I might never get another
chance."
Bert replies, "Peggy that helicopter is 35 euros
and 35 euros is 35 euros."
The pilot over hears the couple and says, "Excuse
me, I'll make you a deal. I'll take both of you for a
ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and
not say a word, I won't charge you. But, if you say
one word, it's the 35 euros each."
Bert and Peggy both agree and up they go in the
helicopter. The pilot does all kinds of fancy
manoeuvres, but not a word is heard. He does his
daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a
word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Peggy
and says, "Well, I did everything I could get you to
yell out, but you didn't, I'm impressed!"
Peggy replies, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost
said something when Bert fell out but, as Bert always
says, 35 euros is 35 euros."