Joke of the day

[Floki]

When my 15 year old said that the stain on her dress was 'Johnson's Baby Lotion',
I didn't think anything of it at the time, officer.

[emmasweet]

Babe is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size

[KevinACE]

what do you call a virgin from Afghanistan?
Never Bin Laid on

[Floki]

What a result. I got a new Rolex for my birthday from the lesbian girls next door.
I think they may have misunderstood me when I said last week that "I wanna watch."

[samlad]

A man was visiting an escort
As they were doing the deed he asks
How am I doing, she replied
3 knots
Your NOT hard
Your NOT in and
Your NOT getting your money back

*you're
*you're
*you're

[willie wacker]

*you're
*you're
*you're

Ah Sam ffs I only did the short version

but thanks for the English lessons

[samlad]

Ah Sam ffs I only did the short version

but thanks for the English lessons

[Forrest]

Babe is it in?" "Yea." "Does it hurt?" "Uh huh." "Let me put it in slowly." "It still hurts." "Okay, let's try another shoe size

You and your shoes, Miss Sweet

An old cowboy walks into a bar. A woman comes up to him and asks, "Excuse me sir, but are you a real cowboy?"
"That I am, ma'am," he says. "When I wake up in the morning, I'm thinking about my cattle.
When I'm eating my breakfast and listening to the radio, I'm thinking about my cattle.
When I'm cooking dinner out on the range, I'm thinking about my cattle, and when I'm asleep, I dream about my cattle.
I reckon I'm about as close to a 'real cowboy' as they come. What about you, ma'am? What do you do for a living?"
"Well, believe it or not," she says, "I'm a lesbian pornstar."
"Huh," he says. "And are you a real lesbian?"
"That I am, sir," she says. "When I wake up in the morning, I'm thinking about women.
When I'm taking my shower and doing my nails, I'm thinking about women.
When I'm watching TV at night, I'm thinking about women, and when I'm asleep, I dream about women.
I reckon I'm just as much a 'real lesbian' as you are a 'real cowboy.' "
"Well, to be honest," the cowboy replies. "I've always told everyone I'm a real cowboy, but hearing you talk now,
I'm starting to think I might actually be a lesbian."

[Floki]

I went to see the worst faith healer ever last night.
He was so bad, a bloke in a wheelchair got up and walked out.

[Floki]

Top Gear was 12 years old. That's one of the oldest things the BBC staff have fucked.