Joke of the day

[MrNiceGuy2010]

roses are red violets are blue i'm a schizophrenic and so am i

[UKHeather]

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their Dad for a clue. The dad said -"well its what Mummy calls me sometimes." The little girl screamed to her brother, "Don't eat it. Its an asshole!"

[royaler]

Confusion
I braked hard but still hit the car in front.
A really cute blonde got out and shouted at me "Ram me up the arse, why don't you?......
This, your Honour, is where the confusion began.

[stickytoffee10]

I got a new deodorant today, the instructions said remove cap and push up bottom i can barely walk but whenever i fart the room smells lovely...

[skywalker85]

Got into wrk and went to get mobile outa me pocket and it was the housefone i took to wrk with me instead hahaha

Ones in wrk thought they were funny saying, 'Are you ringing'.

But i didnt answer them :P

Its not a joke it did happen, and no i wasnt high

[MrNiceGuy2010]

Humpty Dumpty sat on the bed
Little Bo Peep was giving him head
As he came, she started to weep
She could tell by the taste he'd been shagging her sheep

[MrNiceGuy2010]

Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could lick Jill's fanny.
Jack got a shock and a mouth full of
Cock cos jills a pre op tranny!

[stickytoffee10]

I hate my job at the Samaritans....i tried to phone in sick the other day and the bastards talked me out of it!

[royaler]

How Fights Start

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping
channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
******************************************

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire"
while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to
have sex?"
"No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And then the fight started....
******************************************

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into
the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is
terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "Can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
*****************************************

[Happyhunter]

REMEMBER:- If you are in bed with a blind girl and she says
"I've never had my hands on a cock as big as yours"

She's probably pulling your leg.


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What's the difference between Martin Mc Guinness and Dana?

Dana can remember all her hits.