Joke of the day

[Forrest]

Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

[dr love]

APPLE ANNOUNCED TODAYthe development of a microchip that can be implanted in a womans breast and plays music.
the itit will cost399
its regarded as a major breakthrough as woman are always complaining that men just stare at their tits and never listen to them;
lol doc;

[Forrest]

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman.
After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

................................................................................ ..................................

Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises.
"How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers.
"It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied.
"I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?"
"No sir, our mother."
"Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!"
"I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could."

................................................................................ ........................................

A woman answers the door to a market researcher. "Good morning madam, I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Do you use it at all in your household?"
"Oh yes, all the time. It's very good for cuts, grazes and burns."
"Do you use it for anything else?"
"Like what?"
"Ahem.. err.. well.. during.. ahem.. sex."
"Oh, of course. Yes, I smear it on the bedroom doorknob to keep my husband out!"

[scotus]

Replies given to visa applications (allegedly)

To the question on an Australian visa application form, asking whether the applicant held, or had ever held, a criminal record, the respondent replied that he did not realise that it was still mandatory for entry into Australia

On an application form to an unnamed South American country, to the question did the applicant favour the overthrow of the government by suppression, violence, or force, the applicant replied 'suppression' - thinking it was a multiple-choice question

[Forrest]

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.

"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."

[Forrest]

A little boy walked in on his parents having sex. He sees his mom bouncing up and down on his dad,
and he says "Mommy, what are you doing?" She said, "Well, daddy's too fat so I thought I'd try to flatten him out."
The boy replied, "Why bother, every Tuesday the maid comes over and blows him back up again!"

[mature abby]

lol

[scoobydo1]

Classic

[ladiesman217]

[joggon]