Joke of the day

[Doozer]

What does Pinochioes wife say to him

Lie you Bastard lie

[Dirty Harry]

What does Pinochioes wife say to him

Lie you Bastard lie

thats brilliant doozer lol..... whats gray and comes in pints............answer.......an elephant ..

[Forrest]

It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him!!! Give him a dollar.'"

"Breakfast was my idea."

[Dirty Harry]

my two favorite hobbies ,fishing and rape.they have much in common,they both start with a lot of waiting around in secluded areas followed by a sudden rush of excitment ..........then the old dilemma......do i kill it or let it go................it only a joke folks ok

[Dirty Harry]

a man in his bedroom shouts to his girlfriend come and see my new clock ",when she goes in he's laying naked on the bed with a massive erection..she says ".thats not a clock." he replies it will be when you put two hand and a face on it

[Dirty Harry]

just bought the wife a solar powered vibrator,seeing as the sun shines out of her arse it should save me a fucking fortune on batteries..............

[Dirty Harry]

paddy the electrician..got sacked from H.M. prison service for refusing to repair the electric chair,. he said that in his opinion it was a fucking death trap.....

[lukas]

very interesting and thanks for sharing

[mr maxi]

An Irishman, an Englishman, a hot blonde and a fat chick get on the
subway.
They go into a tunnel and the lights go out, and suddenly they all hear a loud slap.

When the lights come on, the Englishman has a big red handprint on his
face.

The blonde thinks: "Oh, the Englishman must have made a move for me, but
fondled that fat woman by mistake and she slapped him."

The fat woman thinks: "Hmm, that Englishman tried to put the moves on
that blonde and got slapped. Good for her."

The Englishman thinks: "Hey, that Irishman must have went for the blonde, and
she slapped me by mistake!"

The Irishman thinks: "Boy, I hope we go through another tunnel, so I can
wallop that English fu*ker again".

Its great to be Irish.

[Franken996]

Yesterday I had an appointment to see the urologist for a Prostate exam. Of course I was a bit on edge because all my friends have either gone under the knife or had those pellets implanted..
The waiting room was filled with patients. As I approached the receptionist's desk, I noticed that the receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. I gave her my name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at me, a now very embarrassed man.
But as usual, I recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS."