Joke of the day

[Dirty Harry]

a man donates blood to his wife after she is badly injured a few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood back.so she throws a tampon in his face and says there you go you miserable bastard i'll pay you back monthly and the moral of this story is even if a woman eventually pays back what she owes a man there will always be a string attached.

[Dirty Harry]

man pinches his wifes arse and says if you firm this up you could get rid of your girdle.later in the bed he squeezed her boobs and said if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra! She grabbed his dick and said if you firmed this up we could get rid of the gardener and the milkman and your fucking brother!

[Dirty Harry]

my wife came home early to find me in bed with the neighours daughter who's that slag she screamed. I said thats the wife!

[Dirty Harry]

walking home pissed last night i got stopped by a policewoman she said you're staggering i said you're not fucking bad looking yourself love.

[Dirty Harry]

everyone seems to be wondering why muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide. Lets have a look at the evidence.no christmas no television no nude women. No football.no pork chops no hot dogs no burgers no beer no bacon rags for clothes towels for hats constant wailing from some cunt in a tower more than one wife.more than one mother in law you cant shave your wife cant shave you can't wash off the smell of donkey you wipe your arse with your hand you cook over burning camel shit your wife is picked by someone else your wife smells worse than your donkey then they tell you that when you die it all gets better no shit sherlock its not like it could get much fucking worse

[Dirty Harry]

whats brown has smelly breath and didn't get shagged up the arse this weekend? gaddafi's camel

[Dirty Harry]

whats the difference between dana and martin mc'guinnes? Nobody remembers any of dana's hits

[69patrick69]

New Women's Study

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting. 85% of women think their ass has grown too big since getting married.. 10% of women think their ass is just as big as it was when they got married.. The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.

[69patrick69]

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,
OKAY!

[Doozer]

Man uniteds defence yesterday