Joke of the day

[joggon]

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father.
''Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?''
The father, surprised, answers, ''Well, son, a woman
goes through three phases. In her 20's, a woman breasts
are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's and 40's, they
are like pears still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are
like onions.'' ''Onions?'' the son asks. ''Yes. You see them
and they make you cry.'' This infuriated his wife and
daughter. The daughter asks, ''Mum, how many different
kinds of willies are there?'' The mother smiles and says,
'' Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In
his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree mighty and hard In
his 30's and 40's, its like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50's it's like a christmas tree.'' ''A christmas
tree?'' the daughter asks. ''Yes, dead from the root up
and the balls just for decoration.''

[whiteball]

Why did I get a divorced? Well, last week was my birthday.
My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot
and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues
didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, My
secretary said, ''Happy birthday, boss!'' I felt so special. she
asked me out for lunch, after lunch ,she invited me to her
apartment. We went there and she said, ''Do you mind if I
go into the bedroom for a minute?'' ''Okay,'' I said. She came
out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents,
my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling ''SURPRISE!!!''
while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

[whiteball]

Husband says to wife ''bet you can't piss me off
and make me happy at the same time!''
Wife says ''Your dick is bigger than your brothers.''

[whiteball]

Teacher: ''I have a green ball in one hand, a green ball in another so what do I have?''
Student: ''Kermit the Frog begging for mercy.''

[joggon]

[whiteball]

Three men are captured by female savages, and are told their dicks would be removed in a manner appropriate to their job.
The first was a lumberjack, so his would be chopped off.
The second was a butcher, so his would be sliced off.
The third man started laughing. The females asked
what was so funny, he replied, ''I work for Dyson.''

[whiteball]

Mick gets a phone call from Paddy:
''I've run over a pig and it's stuck under the tractor still alive.''
''Shoot it'' says Mick, ''And then bury it.''
About 20 mins later he gets another call...
''Done that what should I do with his speed camera and motherbike?''

[whiteball]

Anyone want to swap some bum jokes?
I've got piles...