Joke of the day

[tinytimintipp]

husband and wife out for a drive after a blazing row,they pass a field of pigs and donkeys, wife says to husband are they cousins of yours ,yeah says the husband there the inlaws,,

[emmasweet]

In the morning Tom calls to his boss:
- Good morning, boss, unfortunately I'm not coming to work today. I'm really sick. I got a headache, stomach ache, and my both hands and legs hurt, so I'm not coming into work."
The boss replies:
- You know Tom, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife, and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better, and I can go to work. You should try that.
2 hours later Bob calls:
- Boss, I followed your advise, and I feel great! I'll be at work soon. By the way, you got nice house.

[emmasweet]

Dady, what is in between mummy's legs?
- A paradise.
- And what's between your's?
- The key.
- So you should change the lock, because our neighbour has a passkey.

[tommy1234]

Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus?
A: Your wife will always blow your bonus!

Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree?
A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blowjob!

Q: Why did God give men penises?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.

Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do you call a guy who cries while he masturbates?
A: A tearjerker.

[bollocks]

A Man Buying A Bra For His Wife

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. '

' What type of bra?' asked the clerk.

'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?'

' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. 'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?'

Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple. 'The Catholic type supports the masses The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen; The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.

Oh and have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used

to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost Boobs.

{B} Barely there.

{C} Can't Complain.

{D} Dang!

{DD} Double dang!

{E} Enormous!

{F} Fake.

{G} Get a Reduction.

{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!

Send this to all that will appreciate it!

oh They forgot the German bra. Holtzemfromfloppen!!

[willie wacker]

[joggon]

[Floki]

All thanks to Frankie Boyle

Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!

Recent surveys show 3 out of 10 men have a problem with premature ejaculation. The rest just didn't really think it was a problem!

I think that should be the anti - speeding advert it should be footage of Richard Hammond trying to remember his own wedding day.

My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young”. I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to f**k you now.”

The owners of a dog which swallowed a diamond worth £12000 had to wait three days until it re-emerged. With a bit of planning it could have been a nice way to propose.

[Klittyliker]

My sex change operation from male to female went really well. It was so successful, I'm still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.

[joggon]