Joke of the day

[TheBestPoster]

This girl is feeling a bit down in the dumps and decides to treat herself to a meal at the Ritz.

She manages to get a table that very night and enjoys a delicious meal on her own,
nothing too extravagant but nice all the same.

The head waiter brings the bill and she's horrified to see the total:£200!
She didn't expect this at all and asks the waiter,
"Would you mind holding my breasts while I write the cheque please?"

The head waiter is taken aback. In all his years in the job he's never been
asked that before, but always eager to please the customer, he obliges.
She gets up to leave and the waiter is still perplexed.

His curoisity gets the better of him and he catches up with her at the door
"I'm sorry to bother you Miss, but I'd like to know why you asked me to do that just now."

"Oh it's quite simple really" she replies "I love to have my tits held when I'm being shafted!"

[TheBestPoster]

A Termite walks into the pub, straight up to the bar counter and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"


What do you get when you cross a pit bull with Lassie? A dog that bites your arm off and then runs away to call for help.


Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland? They couldn't find 3 wise men and a 13 year old virgin.


A Frenchman in a London hotel rings room service.
"I would like some pepper."
"Certainly, Sir, would that be white, black or red pepper."
"No" Replies the Frenchman rather emphatically, "ees the toilet pepper!"

[Dirty Harry]

hearing aid for sale give me a shout if youre interested

[Dirty Harry]

i bought some cooking apples today. Total waste of money they just sat on the kitchen table while i did all the cooking.

[Dirty Harry]

i think my wife is going insane. She said honey could you empty the dishwasher please? Next thing you know she'll be asking the marmalade to take out the bins!

[Dirty Harry]

i was late for a very important meeting earlier today.sorry boss i said quickly sitting down i put my briefcase and my donor kebab on the table and said ok carry on.my boss looked at me and said whats with the kebab?i said just some salad and a small hint of chilli sauce!

[Dirty Harry]

two oaps are enjoying oral sex together the old man says i cant stay down here for too long it stinks the old lady replies sorry it's my arthritis. Man replies arthritis in your fanny!? No says the old lady the arthritis is in my sholder i can't wipe my arse.

[emmasweet]

One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..."

[emmasweet]

Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman...
Why?
BECAUSE THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME...

[emmasweet]

Passenger,to a Sexy Air Hostess:What is your name?
Air Hostess:Benz,Sir!
Passenger:Lovely name.Any relation with Mercedez Benz?
Air hostess:Same price sir.....