Joke of the day

[magicalman9357]

Confucius Say
The difference between wives and husbands is, Wives want to videotape the birth of their child.
Husbands want to videotape the conception.


It takes many nails to build crib,
but only one screw to fill it.

woman is like jazz music---3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.

An Australian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given down under.

If all women's lib activists were laid end to end, it would be the best thing for them.

Great as always and Congratulations on your 3000 posts, well more than that now

[Forrest]

Q. What is the difference between a Drug Dealer and a Hooker?
A. A Hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your Mother-In-Law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q. What's the definition of 'Macho'?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!

Q.Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a Guy can do it alone.

Q. What do Tupperware and a Walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.

Q. What do a Christmas tree and a Priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.

[Forrest]

Q.What is the difference between 'ooooooh'and 'aaaaaaah'?
A. About three inches

Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.

Q. How do you find a Blind Man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.

Q: What's the difference between a Girlfriend and a Wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What's the difference between a Boyfriend and a Husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A . They don't have balls to scratch!

[samlad]

A STORY WITH A MORAL:

My girlfriend told me to call at her house yesterday. When I arrived, I found her unbelievably sexy younger sister stark naked in the bed. My jaw dropped and she said, "I'm really wet and horny... come and fuck me hard now, big boy!"

I turned on my heels and proceeded to walk out of the house, towards my car. I was greeted at the front door by my girlfriend, who threw her arms around me and said, "You have earned my trust!"

Moral of the story: It's always better to leave the condoms in the car instead of in your wallet!

[magicalman9357]

A STORY WITH A MORAL:

My girlfriend told me to call at her house yesterday. When I arrived, I found her unbelievably sexy younger sister stark naked in the bed. My jaw dropped and she said, "I'm really wet and horny... come and fuck me hard now, big boy!"

I turned on my heels and proceeded to walk out of the house, towards my car. I was greeted at the front door by my girlfriend, who threw her arms around me and said, "You have earned my trust!"

Moral of the story: It's always better to leave the condoms in the car instead of in your wallet!

That happened to me too

[Forrest]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your
school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that
I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said, reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

[magicalman9357]

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day,she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your
school work been so poor lately?" "I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?" "With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that
I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said, reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"

Funny as always

[emmasweet]

If talking on the phone you get pregnant?
- You can, but it depends on when you sit on the phone!

[emmasweet]

Instructions to make phone ring:
1. enter the shower.
2. shampoo your hair well.
3. count to three.
At that time the phone rings!
Resolution: (we have two possibilities)
a) If the answer - it was a mistake.
b) If you do not answer - after some days we find that it was very important news!

[Liberty Love]

Kate says to the queen. 'I always get heartburn when I suck Harry'... The queen replied, ' Have you tried Andrews'