Joke of the day

[Forrest]

The President was out walking on a beautiful snowy day, when he saw that somebody
had urinated on the White House lawn to spell out "The President Sucks."

Infuriated, he called on the secret service to figure out who had done it. In a few hours,
they came to him and told him that there was some bad news and some worse news.

"The bad news is that the urine is from the Vice President."

"Al? How could you do this to me? What could be worse than this?"

"The handwriting's the first lady's."

[Forrest]

A young man was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work.
The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, then gave him a broom and said,

"Son, your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom -- I'll show you how."

[Forrest]

John Terry has been quoted as saying, "We will accept failure as a team, but trust those bloody nig*ers to miss the penalties"

[Dirty Harry]

i got stopped for being on my phone the copper says wheres your documents.in the glove compartment with my gun you have a gun! yeah i shot the woman in the boot when i nicked the car.the copper gets on the radio i need assistance. loads of squad cars turn up the armed response ask wheres the gun? i have no gun wheres the body?what body.i bet the lying bastard said i was on the phoene as well

[Dirty Harry]

i met a girl at a disco and i asked her if she wanted a tatoo on her tits..she asked why? are you a tattoo artist? no i said...i have a tattoo on my cock!'

[Forrest]

Girl cant pull a fella, so she goes to a chinese doctor, for wise wisdom on her failure to attract a man.
OKAY! , Chinese doctor says, "bend over table, and rift up your skirt"
The girl obligingly does as asked, and Chinese doctor says "AHHHH, NOW I SEE PROBREM!" ,
"You have zakari disease, is why you not pull man!"
"Is it curable?" the girl asks.
"No! Not curable!" the doctor says.
"Well, what is zakari disease then?" she cries.
"It mean, your arse, Zakari same as your face!"

[emmasweet]

Paddys wife gave birth to triplets,how did that happen says paddy,remember that night,I was very dry we had no vaseline so used 3 in 1 oil?
Holy Jaysus says paddy I'm glad we didn't use WD40!!!

[bumleg]

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

[Nyna]

2 Friends go out from a bar ...
1st - We are going to see a woman !
2nd Listen bud ... my wife is young .. beautiful ....

1st .. ok ok if u insist we are going to your house!!

[Nyna]

Hunni i have a problem!
Wife: how many time i have to tell u that we are married, your problems are........ our problems!
Husband: fine! my secretary is pregnant with us!!


Boy: Mom why the name of my cousin is Rose?
Mom: coz ur auntie likes flowers darling..
Boy: and mom what do u like the most?
Mom: ahh DICKIE dont ask to many questions! HAHA!!