Joke of the day

[dr love]

a womans fanny is like a shed roof
if you dont nail it hard enough
it will probably end up next door.
doc;

[mr maxi]

At a session with their marriage counselor, the wife snaps at her husband “That’s not true! I do so enjoy sex!” Then, turning to the counselor, she explains “But this animal expects it four or five times a year!”

[Forrest]

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.
It was After Eight. They got off at Quality Street.
He asked her name. 'Polo, I/m the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa. '
I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts' he replied.
He touched her Cream Eggs then slipped his hands into her Snickers.
He fondled her Flap Jacks and she rubbed his Tick Tacs.
It was a Fab moment as she screamed Turkish Delight.
But 3 days later his Sherbert Dip Dab started to itch.
Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and his Fudge had Allsorts.

[scotus]

Confucius say man who go to bed with hard problem
Wake up with solution on hand

[Forrest]

Three men walk into a bar. The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."

The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."

So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.

Finally, the third man goes down. When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.

He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"

[Forrest]

What do turtles and blondes have in common?
If they're on their back, they're screwed!


A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says,
"Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"
He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"


A lady says to the psychiatrist, "I think I might be a nymphomaniac."
He says, "I'll see what I can do to help you. My fee is eighty dollars an hour."
She says, "How much for all night?"

[Forrest]

Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom while getting a rise.

- Whether or not sex is better than pot, depends on the pusher.

- Oral sex makes one's day, but anal sex makes one's hole weak.

- If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong!

- Sex is like vacation....it never lasts long enough.

- If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.

[Forrest]

A politician is a man who stands for what he thinks the voters will fall for.

- Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.

- The honest politician. Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.

- It's tough being a politician. Half your reputation is ruined by lies the other half is ruined by the truth!

- Honesty in politics is much like oxygen. The higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes.

- Crime is merely politics without the excuses.

- The reason they bury politicians 26 feet under is because deep down they're nice guys.

- A politician is one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

[Forrest]

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

- My mind works like lightning; One brilliant flash and it is gone.

- The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.

- Miners with illuminated helmets will feel lightheaded.

- Beauty is only a light switch away.

- What is the difference between "light" and "hard"? You can sleep with a light on.

- This isn't an office; It's hell with fluorescent lighting.

[Forrest]

Confucius Say
The difference between wives and husbands is, Wives want to videotape the birth of their child.
Husbands want to videotape the conception.


It takes many nails to build crib,
but only one screw to fill it.

woman is like jazz music---3/4 jazz time and 1/4 rag time.

An Australian Kiss is similar to French Kiss, but given down under.

If all women's lib activists were laid end to end, it would be the best thing for them.