Joke of the day

[whiteball]

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering , have you ever cheated on me."
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't
want to ask that question."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you
really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank
would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank
president himself came over to the house and signed the loan
papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty you did that for me! I respect you even more than
ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was
number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack
and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no
surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came
all the way up here, to do the surgery himself, and then you
were in good shape again?"
"I can't believe it! Betty, I love that you should do such a thing
for me, to save my life! I couldn't have a more wonderful wife!
To do such a thing, you must really love me darling. I couldn't
be more moved. When was number 3?"
"Well, Jack, remember a few years ago, when you really wanted
to be president of the golf club and you were 17 votes short?"

[whiteball]

..........

[joggon]

[Barney Rubble]

How's that a bad day ? Sure the air pump is free.

[whiteball]

A mom is driving her little girl to a friends
house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are
you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady
her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite."
"OK," the little girl says. "How much do you
weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says, "these are
personal questions and really none of your
business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why
did you and daddy get divorce?"
"That is enough questions, honestly?"
The exasperated mother walks away as the
two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't
tell me anything." The girl says to her friend.
"Will," said the friend, "all you need to do is
look at her driver's license. It is like a report
card it has everything on it," later that night,
the little girl says to her mother, "I know how
old you are. You are 32." The mother is surprised
and asks, "how did you find that out?"
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." the
mother is past surprise and shocked now. "How
in Heavens name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know
why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?"
The mother asks, "And why's that?"
Because you got an F in sex." The mother fainted.

[whiteball]

"Daddy, why do people hang horses?"
"Nobody hangs horses, darling. Who
told you that people hang horses?"
"I just heard mommy on the phone
saying that her new boss was hung
like a horse."

[whiteball]

..........

[whiteball]

A priest is walking down the street
and a woman standing on the corner
calls to him and says, "Hey father,
you want a quickie, only $50."
The priest promptly says, "No thanks,"
and continues down the street.
A little while later another woman
calls from a door way of a building and
says, "Hey father, you want a quickie,
only $50." The priest again says, "No
thanks," and continues down the street.
Another while later another woman calls
from a window of a building and yells down,
"Hey father, you want a quickie, only $50."
The priest again says, "No thanks," and
continues down the street.
He finally gets back to his parish and goes
up to one of the sisters there. He asks her,
"what's a quickie?" to which she promptly
replies, "$50, the same as in town."

[whiteball]

..........

[Forceuser]

Hitler Cat