Joke of the day

[royaler]

9 months later

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up
> > John's minivan and headed north..
> > After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
> > So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
> > answered the door if they could spend the night.
> > 'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
> > all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid
> > the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'
> > 'Don't worry,' John said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
> > the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed,
> > and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the
> > night.
> > Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.
> > They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
> > But about nine months later, John got an unexpected letter from an
> > attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally
> > determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he
> > had met on the ski weekend.
> > He dropped in on his friend Keith and asked, 'Keith, do you r emember
> > that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday
> > up north about 9 months ago?
> > 'Yes, I do.' Said Keith .
> > 'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to
> > the house and pay her a visit?'
> > 'Well, um, yes!,' Keith said, a little embarrassed about being found
> > out, 'I have to admit that I did..'
> > 'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your
> > name?'
> > Keith's face turned beet red and he said,
> > 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'
> > 'She just died and left me everything.'
> >
> >
> > (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... you
> > know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

[Forrest]

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them
to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy and
beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.
Each priest had a small bell attached to his penis and they were told that
anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be
ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest (Carlos).
As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off and fell clattering to the ground.
Embarrassed, Carlos took a few steps forward, and bent over to pick it up.
Then ... all the other bells started to ring!

[UKHeather]

Cop pulled a man over for doing 90 mph in a 55 mph zone. He examined his license & said, "Darn it, it's been a long hard day, it's Friday, I don't need the frustration of more paperwork or the overtime. If you can give me one GOOD excuse for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go without a ticket."
The man thinks for a minute & says, "Well last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
Have a nice weekend," said the officer

[UKHeather]

I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job years ago as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there. :/

[royaler]

Cop pulled a man over for doing 90 mph in a 55 mph zone. He examined his license & said, "Darn it, it's been a long hard day, it's Friday, I don't need the frustration of more paperwork or the overtime. If you can give me one GOOD excuse for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go without a ticket."
The man thinks for a minute & says, "Well last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"
Have a nice weekend," said the officer

Ha Heather ..... a few posts back the guy was retired and living in Kerry!!!!! Good one!

[Forrest]

At his wife's request Paddy visits the Sexologist.
They chat for a while and the doctor shows Paddy some cards.
"What is this", says the doctor holding up some ink blotches.
"Why, that's 2 dogs going balls to the wall."
"And this", says the doctor holding up some more ink blotches.
"Why, that's a man giving it to the Missus from behind."
And this.
"Well that's a threesome."
"Well", says the doctor, "I'm afraid your wife appears to be right, Paddy, you're a sex maniac".
"I'm the sex maniac?!" Says Paddy indignantly, "You're the one with all the filthy pictures!

[Forrest]

Did you hear the one about the Blonde woman who put lipstick on her
forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.

A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. tee-shirt.
"Why are you wearing a Thank God it's Friday Tee-shirt on Monday?"
"Oh crap!" the blonde says, "I thought it meant Tits Go In Front."

What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair?
Last year's Hide and Seek winner.

[royaler]

What do you call a Catholic farmer .........................




CHRISTIAN BALE!!!!!!!

[Dirty Harry]

the lesbians next door asked me what i would like for my birthday.i was quite surprised when they gave me a rolex.it was very nice of them but i think they misunderstood me when i said i wanna watch

[Dirty Harry]

as i lay in bed i felt a hand reach down my boxers and slowly started to rub my cock.i said not tonight i'm tired my cell mate said you don't get a choice in here bitch.