Joke of the day

[whiteball]

A woman goes into a tackle shop to buy
a rod and reel for her Granson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get so she
just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The woman notices a cashier is standing
there wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse
me sir, can you tell me anything about this rod
and reel?"
The cashier replies, "Ma'am, I'm completely
blind. But if you'll drop it on the counter, I can
tell you everything from the sound it makes."
The woman doesn't believe him but, drops it on
the counter anyway.
The cashier says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare
Graphite Rod with a zebra 404 Reel and 10-LB
Test Line. It's a good all-around combination, and
it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
The woman is astonished and says, "It's amazing
that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping
on the counter- I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the
floor. "Oh, that sounds like a master card," the cashier says.
As the woman bends down to pick up her card, she
accidentally farts. At first, she is really embarrassed, but
then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it
was she who farted.
The cashier rings up the sale and says, "that'll be $34.50
please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't
you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00?"
How did you get $34.50?"
The cashier replied, "Yes, the rod and reel are $20.00.
But the duck call is "11.00 and the bear repellent is $3.50."

[whiteball]

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day,
5LB weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door. There,
standing before him, is a voluptuous, athletic, 19-
year old babe, dressed in nothing but a pair of
running shoes with a sign around her neck. She
introduces herself as a representative of the weight
loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me,
you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later puffing puffing he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the
same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself
and is delighted to find he has lost 5 LBs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 10LB program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands
the most stunning, beautiful, and sexy woman he has ever
seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but running shoes
and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch, you
can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in
excellent shape, and he does his best to catch her, but no
such luck.
So, for the next four days, the same routine happens with
him gradually getting better and better shape.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day, when he weighs himself,
he has lost another 10LBs as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order
the 7-day, 25LB program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This
is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door. And when he opens it,
he finds a huge, muscular guy, standing there. Wearing nothing
but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads.
"If I catch you' you are mine!"

[whiteball]

An Irish man walks into a bar in Dublin.
He orders three points of Guinness, then
sits in the back of the room drinking a sip
out of each one in turn. After he finished
all three, he returns to the bar and orders
three more. The bartender says to him,
"You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it;
it would taste better if you bought one at a
time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have
two brothers. One is in America, the other in
Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we
all left home, we promised that we'd drink
this way to remember the days we all drank
together." The bartender admits that this is
a nice custom and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar
and always drinks the same way. He orders
three pints and drinks the three pints by
taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars in the bar notice and
fall silent. When he comes back to the bar
for the second round, the bartender says,
"I don't want to intrude on your grief, but
I want to offer my condolences on your great
loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment,
then a light dawns in his eye and laughs. "Oh
no," he says, "everyone is fine. I've just quit
drinking!"

[whiteball]

Redneck Ray is sitting at a bar in Houston,
silently nursing a bear. Suddenly, a big burly
man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he
falls off his stool.
"That was a karate chop from Korea," says
the big man proudly.
Ray sighs, gets up, brushes the dust off his
clothes, and then sits down on the stool and
continues to drink his beer. Suddenly he gets
hit so hard that he flies into the wall. "That
was a kung-fu chop from China chuckles the
big man. At this point, Ray has had enough.
He gets up, brushes off the dust and calmy
leaves the bar. After about an hour Ray returns,
walks up behind the big guy. And whacks him
him so hard behind his ear that he blacks out
Ray looks at the bartender and says, "When he
comes through, why don't you tell him, that was
a shovel from the hardware store in Houston."

[joggon]

[Barney Rubble]

Redneck Ray is sitting at a bar in Houston,
silently nursing a bear. Suddenly, a big burly
man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he
falls off his stool.
"That was a karate chop from Korea," says
the big man proudly.
Ray sighs, gets up, brushes the dust off his
clothes, and then sits down on the stool and
continues to drink his beer. Suddenly he gets
hit so hard that he flies into the wall. "That
was a kung-fu chop from China chuckles the
big man. At this point, Ray has had enough.
He gets up, brushes off the dust and calmy
leaves the bar. After about an hour Ray returns,
walks up behind the big guy. And whacks him
him so hard behind his ear that he blacks out
Ray looks at the bartender and says, "When he
comes through, why don't you tell him, that was
a shovel from the hardware store in Houston."

I'm still waiting to hear what happened the wee bear he was nursing Whiteball ?

[whiteball]

I'm still waiting to hear what happened the wee bear he was nursing Whiteball ?

It should bloody beer, not bear, again I most start proofreading before I post anything. Thank you Barney Rubble.
In fact I should hire you Barney as proofreader.

[Barney Rubble]

It should bloody beer, not bear, again I most start proofreading before I post anything. Thank you Barney Rubble.
In fact I should hire you Barney as proofreader.

I kinda guessed that Whiteball but I did like the idea of a wee bear cub.
And I make plenty of blunders here myself so I'm not the man to proof read.

[whiteball]

A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided
to throw a party, and invited all of his buddies
and neighbours. He also invited Brian, the only
native Australian in the neighbourhood. He held
the party around the pool, in the backyard of his
mansion.
Everyone was drinking, dancing, eating prawns
and oysters from the barbecue and flirting.
Then at the hight of the party, the millionaire said,
"I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool,
and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who'll join
him in the pool."
The words were barely out of his mouth, when there
was a loud splash.
Everyone turned around, and saw Brian in the pool
fighting madly with the crocodile, jabbing it in the eyes
with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butting it.
Getting it in choke holds, biting it's tail and flipping it
through the air like some kind of martial arts expert!
The water was churning and splashing everywhere.
Both Brain and the crocodile were screaming and raising
hell.
Finally, after what seemed like ages, Brain strangled the
crocodile, and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead
goldfish.
An exhausted Brian wearily climbed out of the pool, with
everybody staring at him in disbelief.
The millionaire said, "Well Brian, I guess I owe you a million
dollars then."
"Nah, your all right man, I don't want it," said Brian.
So, the millionaire said, "I have to give you something, you
won the bet. How about half a million bucks?"
"No thanks, I don't want it," Brain insisted.
The millionaire said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something.
That was amazing! How about a new porsche, a Rolex and some
stock options?"
Once again Brain said, "No thanks."
Confused , the rich man asked, "Well Brain, then what do you want?"
Brain replied, "I want the bastard who pushed me in!"

[whiteball]

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