Joke of the day

[joggon]

[whiteball]

So, MI6 had an open position for a female agent.
After all the background checks, interviews and
testing were completed, they had narrowed the
field down to 3 possible ladies.
For the final test, the MI6 agents took one of the
ladies to a large metal door and handed her gun.
"We must know that you will fellow your instructions
no matter what the circumstances."
The agent continues, "Inside the room you find a
man sitting in a chair... we need you to kill him."
The woman goes in then comes back out and says,
"You can't be serious. I could never shoot my husband."
The agent replies, "Then you're not the right woman
for this job. Take your husband and go home."
The second woman is given the same instructions. She
takes the gun and goes into the room. All is quiet for
about 5 minutes. Then she comes out with tears in her
eyes, "I tired, but I can't kill my husband."
The agent, again says, "You don't have what it takes
so take your husband and go home."
Finally, the last woman, wee Grace from Tallaght area
of Dublin, is given the same instructions, to kill the
man in the room. She takes the gun and goes into the
room. Shots are heard, one after another.
They then hear screaming, crashing and banging on the
walls. After a few minutes all is quiet.
The door opens slowly and there stands wee Grace wiping
the sweat from her brow.
Grace looks at the agents outside and says, "Some idiot
loaded the gun with blanks! I had to beat the fecker to
death with the gun."

[joggon]

[whiteball]

An Irish guy sits in a taxi and sees his wife
entering a hotel with another man, and tells
the driver, "do you want to earn E500 right
away?"
The driver excitedly said, !What do I have to
do?"
"Bring my wife by the hair out of that hotel,
here's a picture of her."
After a while the driver is seen dragging a
woman by the hear, while kicking and beating
her and puts her in the Taxi.
And the husband says to him, "This is not my
wife."
The driver replied, "Nooooo, this is mine, hold
her for me. I'm going in for yours now!"

[Forceuser]

[whiteball]

A girl realized that she had grown
heir between her legs. She got
worried and asked her mom about
the heir.
Her mom calmly said, "That part
where the hair has grown is called
monkey, be proud that your monkey
has grown heir...! The girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, "My
monkey has grown heir."
Her sister smiled and said, "That's
noting, mine is already eating bananas."

[WellDressed]

[whiteball]

Little Tony was 9 years old and was
staying with his grandmother for a
few days.
He'd been playing outside with other
kids for a while when he came into
the house and asked her, "Grandma,
what's that called when two people
sleep in the same room and one is
on top of the other?"
She was a little taken aback, but she
decided to tell him the truth.
"It's called sexual intercourse, darling."
Little Tony said, "Oh OK," and went
back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and
said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called
sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds.
And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

[Forceuser]

if you know,you know

[whiteball]

My wife just found out she's adopted.
She's devastated and kept asking,
"Why didn't they want me?"
I comforted her and after a while, still
crying, she asked me to make love to
her, which led to more tears. On reflection,
Banging her from behind and shouting,
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY?!" was a little insensitive.