Joke of the day

[whiteball]

A married man died before he could
have sex with his wife.
The wife decided not to remarry or
have sexual relationship with another
man, instead she cut off her late husbands
penis and mounted it to the wall.
Each night she went to the wall and satisfied
herself.
One day the neighbour, Mr. Samuel found out
what was happening, and he made a hole
through the wall, removed the dead man's
penis and put his own penis and waited for
the lady.
Unfortunately, that same day the lady came home
with a knife and said, "Darling, we are moving to a
new house."

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A guy asked a girl in a library,
"Do you mind if I sit beside you?"
The girl answered with a loud voice;
"I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOU!!!"
All the students in the library started
staring at the guy and he was embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked
quietly to the guy's table and she told him, "I
study psychology and I know what a man is
thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice: "$200
JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl
in shock and the guy whispered in her ear; "I study
law and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

[whiteball]

Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school.
She has her first family planning lesson at
school. Her mother, very interested, asks,
"How did it go?"
"I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Why?" Her mother asked. Annie replies,
"Kate from down the road, says that the
stork brings babies. Sally next door said
you buy babies at the orphanage. Jack in
my class says you can buy babies at the
hospital." Her mother answers laughingly,
"But that's no reason to be ashamed!"
"No... well that's how I felt when I had
to tell them that we were so poor that you
and daddy had to make me yourself!"

[joggon]

[whiteball]

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vets,
when they struck up a conversation.
The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and
said, "So, why are you here?" The yellow Lab replied,
"I'm a pisser. I piss on everything... the sofa, the curtains,
the cat and the kids.
But the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the
middle of my owner's bed."
The black Lab said, "So what's the vet going to do?"
"Gonna cut my nuts off," came the reply from the yellow Lab,
they reckon it'll calm me down."
The yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked, "So,
why are you here?"
The black lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up
flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside,
I dig up the carpets, but I went over the line last night, when I
dug a great big hole in my owners' couch."
"So, what are they going to do to you?" the yellow lab enquired.
"Looks like I'm losing my nuts too," the dejected black lab said.
The black lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why
are you here?"
"I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump
the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, I want to hump everything
I see. Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was
bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hoped
on her back and started hammering away."
The Black and Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said, "So, it's
nuts off for you too, huh?"
The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped!"

[joggon]

[joggon]

botox + marching powder

[whiteball]

A man brings his best buddy home
for dinner... unannounced at 7:30 pm
after work.
His wife begins screaming at him
and his friend just sits and listens.
Wife: "My hair and makeup are not
done, the house is a mess, the dishes
are not done, I'm still in my pajamas
and I can't be bothered with cooking
tonight! Why the hell did you bring him
home?!?"
Husband: "Because he's thinking of getting
married and I promised him a demo!"

[powersupply]

An old man was sitting in a private box at a major football match with an empty seat next to him:
A young enthusiast saw the empty seat and said to the old man. “Who on earth has paid for this expensive seat but not turned up! they must be mad, do you mind if I sit here?”

The old man sadly looked up and said.
“For 50yrs I and my darling wife have sat together and watched every major final, but unfortunately she has passed away so was unable to come, so you can gladly take her place if you like.”
The young man thanked him for his kind generosity and sat beside the old man.

The young man turned to him and said.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but as sad as your story is, I have to ask, have you not got any relatives, like a son or grandchild or nephew that you could if brought along with you?”
The old man said.

“Yes I have, but they’ve all gone 2 the funeral.”