Joke of the day

[mcsocrates]

Whiteball : please return

[whiteball]

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Katie went straight to her grandparent's to visit her 95 year-old
grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother
replied, "He had a hearth attack while we were making love on
Sunday morning.'' Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that two
people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for
trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. ''Many years ago, realizing
our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the
church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and
even. Nothing too strenuous in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She
paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice
cream truck hadn't come along."

[whiteball]

Three men: an American, a Japanese man and an Irishman
were sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping
sound.
The American pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The
others looked at him questioningly.
"That was my pager.'' he said, ''I have a microchip under the
skin of my arm.''
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted
his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, ''That was
my mobile phone I have a microchip in my hand,..
Paddy felt decidedly low-tech. So as not to be outdone, he
decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped
out of the sauna and went to the toilet. He returns with a piece
of toilet paper hanging from his arse. The others raised their
eyebrows. ''Will you look at that,'' says Paddy, I'm getting a Fax.''

[joggon]

[joggon]

[TheNightShift]

Julie

[TheSavannah]

What do you call a Frenchman in sandals?

Phillipe Floppe

[whiteball]

Little Johnny is in his closet when he hears a noise.
His mom comes in and starts having sex with someone
other than his dad. He hears a door slam and his
mother say, ''Oh no, my husband is home! Quick hide
in the closet.'' The man gets in the closet and little
Johnny says, ''Dark in here isn't it?'' The man is
startled but then calms down.
-''Yes, it is.''
-''Do you want to buy my baseball glove?''
-''No.''
-''I could go to my dad.''
-'''Fine. How much?''
-''$200.''
-''Fine.''
This happens again later in the week.
-''Dark in here, isn't it?''
-''Do you want to buy my baseball bat?''
-''How much?''
-$300.''
A few days later his dad wants to play ball with him
and tells him to go get his glove and bat.
-''I can't. I sold them to my friends.''
-''For how much?''
-''For $500
-''That is way too much. I am taking you to church
right now for a confession.''
They get to the church and little Johnny gets in the
booth.
-''Dark in here, isn't it?''
The priest says:
-''Don't start that shit again. You're in MY closet now!!''

[whiteball]

The madam opened the brothel in Miami; and saw a rather dignified,
well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
''May I help you sir?'' she asked.
The man replied, ''I want to see Valerie.''
''Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would
perfer someone else,'' said the madam.
He replied, ''No, I must see Valerie.''
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged
$10,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten thousand
dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour
the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to
see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever came back two
nights in a row as she was too expensive. ''There are no discounts.
The price is still $10,000.''
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went
upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded
that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they
went upstairs. After the session, Valerie said to the man, ''No one has ever
been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?'' The man replied,
''St. Louis.'' ''Really.'' she said. ''I have family in St. Louis.'' ''I know,'' the man
said. ''You sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your
$30,000 inheritance.'' The moral of this story is that three things in life are
certain:
1. Death.
2. Taxes.
3. Being screwed by a lawyer.

[TheSavannah]

Maybe that one should be in the crap joke section savannah.

I tried...