Joke of the day

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A group of four-year-olds were trying very heard
to become accustomed to school. The biggest hurdle
they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby
talk!
''You need to use 'Big People' words,'' she was always
reminding them. '' John what did you do over the weekend?''
''I went to visit my Nana.'' ''No, you went to visit your
GRANDMOTHER.'' She then asked Mitchell what she had
done. ''I took a ride on a choo-choo .''
''No, you took a ride on a Train. You must remember
to use 'Big People, words,'' she said. She then asked
little Alex what he had done.
''I read a book, he replied. ''That's wonderful!'' the
teacher said. ''What book did you read.''
Alex thought very heard about it, then puffed out his
chest with great pride and said, ''Winnie the Shit.''

[whiteball]

Just got sacked from my Bingo
calling job. Apparently saying,
''A meal for two with a heiry
view,'' is not the correct way
to pronounce 69.

[whiteball]

A tomato, a piece of gum, and a penis
are all talking. The tomato says, ''I've
got the worst life, I get cut up and stuck
in a sandwich.''
The piece of gum says, ''No, mine is worse,
I get chewed up, spit out and stepped on.''
This penis says, ''No, by far I've got the
worst life... I get a plastic bag stuck over
my head, then I'm shoved in a dark tunnel
and made to do push ups 'till I throw up!''

[whiteball]

While playing in the backyard, little Johnny
kills a honeybee. His father sees him kill the
honeybee and angrily says, ''No honey for a
month!'' Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad
catches him tearing wings off a butterfly.
''That's it! No butter for you for one month!''
says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks
dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen
floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then
looks up to find little Johnny and her husband
watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father
and says, ''Are you going to tell her, dad, or
do you want me to?''

[whiteball]

A mother was working in the kitchen listening
to her five-year-old son playing with his new
electric train in the living room.....
She heard the train stop and her son saying,
''All of you bastards who want off, get the fuck
off now, cause we're in in a hurry! And all of
you bastards who are getting on get the fuck
on, cause we're going down the tracks.''
The horrified mother went mother went in and
told her son, ''We don't use that kind of language
in this house. Now I want you to go to your room
and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come
out, you may play with your train, but I want you
to use nice language.''
Two hours later the son came out of the bedroom
and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train
stopped and the mother heard her son say, ''All
passengers who are disembarking the train please
remember to take all your belongings with you. We
thank you for traveling with us today and hope your
trip was a pleasant one.''
She hears the little boy continue, ''For those of you
just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand
luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no
smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant
and relaxing journey with us today.'' As the mother began
to smile, the child added...
''For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR
delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen.''

[whiteball]

Fella buys a talking centipede for E5000 and takes
it home in a small box. After 30 mins he opens the
box and says, ''Would you like to go for a point?''
The centipede doesn't answer... Raising his voice
he repeats the question, still no reply.
Getting angry, thinking he's been done, he shouts
the question loudly. At which the centipede sticks his
head out of his box and says, ''I heard you the 1st time,
I'm putting my fucking shoes on.''

[whiteball]

The wife said to me last night...
''If you turn the bedside lamp off
I'll take it up the ass!''
In hindsight maybe I should have
waited for the bulb to cool down first...?

[EscortInspector]

[joggon]