Joke of the day

[whiteball]

A blond owns a convertible. A guy asks her if
she ever drives with her top down. ''No'' she
says. I don't want everyone seeing my breasts!''

[whiteball]

Food inspector in a bakery catches Paddy
using his false teeth to do the design on
the edge of apple pies. She roars '' Have
you not got a tool?'' ''Yes'' replies Paddy,
''But I use that for the doughnuts!''

[whiteball]

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room,
waiting for the doctor to come in from the baby's first exam.
The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight,
and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed
or bottle-fed. ''Breast-fed.'' she replied. ''Well strip down to
your waist,'' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples,
then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a
detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, he said,
''No wonder this baby is underweight, you don't have any milk.''
''I know,'' she said, ''I'm his Granma, but I'm glad I came.''

[whiteball]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor,
''I've never felt better. I have an 18-
year-old bride who is pregnant with my child.
What do you think about that?''
The doctor considered his question for a minute
and then said, ''I have an elderly friend who is a
hunter and never misses a season. One day when
he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally
picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he
got to the creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the
stream. He raised his umbrella and went 'bang, bang'
and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?''
The 90-year-old man said, ''I'd say someone else killed
that rabbit.'' The doctor replied, ''My point exactly.''

[whiteball]

A Pastor announced, ''If you know your wife is
controlling you, move to the left.'' All the men
in the church moved to the left except one man.
The pastor was happy there was at least one strong
man, and asked, ''How come your wife can't control
you?'' The man quietly replied, ''It's my wife who told
me not to move.''

[whiteball]

A girl sneezed in the pub and her glass
eye flew out and landed in my hand. I
took it back to her and we got chatting.
After a few beers, I took her home and
shagged her. Wondering if she was a bit
of a slapper I asked her, do you shag
everyone on a first date. She said no, only
those that catch my eye...

[joggon]

[whiteball]

A parrot swallows a viagra tablet.
His owner, disgusted' puts him in
the freezer to cool off. Later when
he opens the freezer, he finds the
parrot sweating. ''How come you
are sweating?'' he asks. The parrot
replies, ''Do you know how hard it
is to open the legs of a frozen chicken?''

[whiteball]

I went to a disco last night.
They played the twist,
I played the twist.
They played jump,
I jumped.
They played 'Come on Eileen...''
I got kicked out for that one.

[whiteball]

After researchers found that women
who jog without a bra get longer breasts,
some men have started running without
underwear.