Joke of the day

[emmasweet]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!

[emmasweet]

One day a cowboy was traveling through the desert when he stumbled across an Indian buried in the sand from the neck down.


Confused, the cowboy asked, "What the hell are you doing?".


The Indian says," Telling time" Then suddenly his penis jumps out of the sand and the Indian says, "It's 12:00"


Amazed, the coyboy checks his pocket watch and conferms what the Indian said.


Later on, the cowboy stumbles upon another Indian in the sand, but this one was stroking his penis very rapidly. The cowboy looked down and said, "What the hell are you doing?"


The Indian looked up and shouted, "I'm winding my watch!".

[Forrest]

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said,
"Dad our rooster's dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift
the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling,
"Dad, Dad, we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there
was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming"
If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

[La Toya]

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend and a successful woman is one who can find such a man....

[DrPaul]

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend and a successful woman is one who can find such a man....

good one. .......

[UB40]

Alex Ferguson actually retired 6 years ago, which is today after all the injury time. *

[UB40]

Following the shock news that Sir Alex Ferguson is retiring at the end of the season, Wrigleys have announced they have entered administration. *

[emmasweet]

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently
taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a
gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay
fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to
sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his
wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: "Do you have
a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

[Sexy Fernanda]

A young woman who was several months pregnant was sitting in a bus.

When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition.

She changed her seat and he seemed more amused.

She moved again and then on seeing him laughing more. She filed a court case on him.

In the court the man's deference was:-

When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was
pregnant.

She sat under an advertisement, which read "Coming Soon- The unknown boon"..

I was even more amused when she then sat under a shaving advertisement, which read:-"William's stick did the trick"..

Then I could not control myself any longer, when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, which read:-

"Dun lop Rubber would have prevented this accident"..

The case was dismissed. The judge fell off his chair laughing

[wav]

What's the speed limit of sex? 68; at 69 you have to turn around. Why did Frosty the Snowman pull down his pants? He heard the snow blower coming. What's the ultimate rejection? When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman? Sexual harassment.What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? $3.99 a minute. Why is it called a Wonder Bra? When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went . What does KFC and a woman have in common? Once you're done with the breasts and the thighs, there's still a greasy box to put your bone in.