Joke of the day

[emmasweet]

A young man was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor, a man came running and shouted: “Laloo, your daughter Sweety is badly injured in accident”.Not knowing what to do, the young man jumped from his office window in panic to go as-early-as-possible.While coming down when he was near tenth floor, he remembered he had no daughter named Sweety.When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Laloo.

[emmasweet]

A rich man needed blood for his heart surgery.


He got it from a poor Bania.


The rich man gave him 5 million dollars. Once again the rich man needed blood for surgery.
Bania was more than happy to donated blood again. This time, the rich just gave him a Cadburyes Chocolate. Bania asked the reason.


The rich man now replied: “Now I also have Bania’s blood in my body.”

[emmasweet]

A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.“What was that for?” ,the man asked.The wife replied, “That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket”.The man said, “When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on”The wife apologized and went on with the housework.Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.She replied “Your horse called up.........

[Forrest]

My girlfriend bought a cook book the other day called 'Cheap and easy vegetarian cooking'.
Which is perfect for her, because not only is she vegetarian...............


My mum told me the best time to ask my dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying: "Can I have a new bike?" He was very upset.
His secretary was surprisingly nice about it though, so I got the bike.

[Forrest]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke.
The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him
and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

[La Toya]

A Nun was taking a bath then suddenlly there was a knock on the door She says, "Who is it? A male voice responds, "The blind Man. After a few moments of deliberation the nun says, "Come in. The man enters and says, "Nice tits, Miss Nun. Where do you want me to hang the blind?...

[UB40]

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults hide at least one dark secret and this makes it very easy to blackmail them merely by saying, "I know the whole truth."

So Little Johnny decides to try it out. When he arrives home from school that day, he says to his mother, "I know the whole truth." His mother looks shocked, quickly finds $20, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, Little Johnny waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." His father looks shocked, quickly finds $40, and gives it to him, saying, "Just don't tell your mother."

The next morning, Little Johnny is on his way to school when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy decides to try again. "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops his mailbag, throws opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real daddy a nice big hug!"

[Dirty Harry]

I bought some valentine cards for the people in our local tourettes sufferers society....its the thought that cunts

[Ted E Bear]

After dropping my new girlfriend home the other night
after our first date, she told me I'd have to wait six
months before she would suck my cock. I told her I
totally understand and respect her decision and that
I'd ring her nearer the time.

[emmasweet]

Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were promptly stopped by a policeman who said, “What do you think you are doing?““What if you have an accident?”The priests say, “Don’t worry, my son. God is with us.”The policeman says, “In that case, I have to book you. Three people are not allowed to ride on a motorcycle.