Joke of the day

[Mousey]

This guy goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, every time I masturbate I shout Come On Man United!"

The doctor says, "Most wankers do!"

[very shy guy]

This guy goes to the doctor and says "Doctor, every time I masturbate I shout Come On Man United!"

The doctor says, "Most wankers do!"

Thought that was liverpool fans Mousey.

[very shy guy]

Times are so hard at the once mighty Liverpool that they now have to use both sides of the loo rools because of cut backs.

[gentelmandave]

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.
The black bear said: "You've got two choices.
I either maul you to death or we have rough sex."

Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He
headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it.

There was another tap on his shoulder.

This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex."

Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear says:
"Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

[gentelmandave]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question fo
r you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[samlad]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on holiday to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for R150 or we can have her shipped back home for R5000. The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home. The undertaker asked him, "Why would you spend R5000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost R150?" The husband replied, "Long ago, Jesus died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead. I Just can't take that chance!"

[Dirty Harry]

I hate all this terrorist bull shit i remember the good old days when seeing an unattended bag on a bus and thinking i'll fucking have that.

[Dirty Harry]

I met rolf harris today in tescos i said to him i remember you doing 2 little boys in the 70's he said fuck off that was jimmy saville

[Dirty Harry]

Susan boyle has leapt to the defence of jimmy saville saying she was on jim 'll fix it when she was only 13 and he never touched her :-D

[Dirty Harry]

Got my halloween outfit blond wig tracksuit gold chain and a cigar that should scare the little fuckers.