Weekend Humour

[Forrest]

I was talking to my wife about the current financial situation and how she would have to make cutbacks...

Me: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could do without the ironing lady.

She: Well if you would learn to f**k me properly we could do without the gardener.

[QueenBee]

Very funny Forrest i like your sense of humour!

I was talking to my wife about the current financial situation and how she would have to make cutbacks...

Me: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could do without the ironing lady.

She: Well if you would learn to f**k me properly we could do without the gardener.

[Forrest]

One night as me and my wife left a party and got into our car, she moved close against me and began working her hand up along my thigh.

Later, at home, she hurried me up to the bedroom, stripped me off, gave me a magnificent climax and, following a brief rest, began to stroke my body again; then she whispered in my ear:

"Now you can take the baby sitter home."

[Natasha]

I always have a giggle when i read your posts Forrest.

[Forrest]

I always have a giggle when i read your posts Forrest.

Thanks Natasha.. Here's another one for you

I suspected my wife was having an affair with Alec Horan.

I needed to go on a business trip for several days, so I decided to set a trap for her. I put a bowl of milk under the bed. From the bedsprings, I suspended a spoon. I had it calibrated so her weight on the bed will not drop the spoon into the milk. But, if there is any more weight than that, the spoon will drop into the milk and I will detect it upon my return home.

I came home several days later and the first thing I do is reach under the bed and retrieve the bowl.


The bowl is full of butter...

[Forrest]

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser and just wouldn't be parted with it.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .


He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'

She had a box with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?'

'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'

[Forrest]

Wife hits her husband with a frying pan.

H: What was that for?

W: What's this paper with Tina written on it doing in your pocket?

H: Oh that! Remember the day I went to the racetrack? Tina was the name of the horse I bet on.

Wife hits the husband again.

H: What was that for?

W: Your horse just called!

[Michelle21]

[QUOTE=Forrest;219946]There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser and just wouldn't be parted with it.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .


He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait, just a minute!'

She had a box with her. She came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?'

'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'[/QUOTE


very funny..he cannot spend nothing)))

[mexicanmagic]

I was talking to my wife about the current financial situation and how she would have to make cutbacks...

Me: As a start I think you should learn to "iron," then we could do without the ironing lady.

She: Well if you would learn to f**k me properly we could do without the gardener.

So I take it my job is at risk so?

[parisdublin4]

... after talking to her for a bit, he asks her, "Alright. Enough talk. How much is it gonna cost me for a handjob?"

"$50," She says.

"$50 for a handjob? You've got to be kidding me!" He replies.

"Come over here," She says. "See that car outside?" She points to the window. He looks out, and sees a brand new sports car.

"Wow, that looks pretty expensive." He says.

"I bought that purely off $50 handjobs." She replies.

The man thinks to himself, "Hell, they must be pretty good." So he gives her $50, and sure enough, best one he's ever had.

He goes back the next night and finds her again. After a few drinks he says, "Alright. That handjob last night was pretty good. How much for a blowjob?"

"$500." She says.

"$500? That's fucking ridiculous." The man replies.

"Come here. See that house on the hill?" she says. So the man comes over, and looks out the window. Outside on the hill, he sees an immaculate mansion. Easily more than 20 rooms.

"Wow, that looks extremely expensive." he says.

"I bought that off of $500 blowjobs." she says.

So following suit, the man gives her $500, and sure enough, it's the best blowjob of his entire life.

On the third night, he returns once more. "Alright," He says. "No more playing around. How much is it gonna cost for some pussy?"

She replies, "Hell, if I had a pussy I'd own this town!"