Lovin those beans!!!
One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it
Became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
Sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the
Way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called
My husband and told him that I would be late because I had to
Walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor
Of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to
Walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the
Time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I
Knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All
The way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.
Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and
Exclaimed delightedly: 'Darling I have a surprise for dinner
Tonight!'
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner
Table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my
Blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to
Touch the blindfold until he returned and went
To answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and
The pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband
Was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my
Weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but
It smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in
Front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and
Fanned the air around me vigorously.
Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the
Other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone
Farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned
The air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap
And folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and
Pleased with myself.
My face must have been the picture of innocence when my
Husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me
If I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I
Had not.
At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner
Guests seated around the table chorused: 'Happy Birthday!'
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