Aprils Comp

[kerry lad in town]

Rover comes home one day and says to his lover Luther, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"Luther lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Rover's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."

Rover says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So Luther lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Rover's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.

He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass." Rover starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

[rover]

Rover comes home one day and says to his lover Luther, "Please do me a favor. It feels like something's stuck up my ass. Could you check it out for me?"Luther lubes up his finger (mercifully) and shoves it up Rover's ass, feeling all around, and says, "I don't feel anything."

Rover says, "Trust me, there's something up there. Try lubing up your whole hand and checking it out." So Luther lubes his whole hand and sticks it up Rover's ass. He feels around, and then pulls out a Rolex watch.

He says, "I found your problem. There was a watch stuck up your ass." Rover starts singing, "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

Luther and I are only friends, there's nothing more.

[kerry lad in town]

how times have changed "only friends"

[MET-RX]

A girl was granted two wishes. First she asked for bigger breasts and they instantly grew to 38dd. Then she asked for a really tight cunt and was given your phone number.

[kerry lad in town]

Since my mother in law went senile all she does all day is stare through the window, bless her. Maybe 1 day if it's really really fuckin cold I'll let her in !

[kerry lad in town]

5 Things not to say in a gay bar:
1. Well fuck me.
2. Bottoms up.
3. Can I bum a fag?
4. Toss ya for the next round.
5. Can someone push my stool in?

[rover]

Iceland Volcano
Q:What's the difference between the Iceland Volcano and Cheryl Cole?

A: The Volcano is still blowing Ash.

[MET-RX]

People of Iceland can you not read? We said send Cash

[Vladi]

Ian Paisley dies and approaches St Peter at the Pearly Gates.

St. Peter says “You don't belong here as you are a bigot and all your life have hated and persecuted Catholics.

Ian responds in his loud booming voice “I am a changed man this recent while, why only two weeks ago I was passing a Catholic soup kitchen and I was so overcome by the good deeds of the nuns giving out the soup that I approached one of them and gave her a pound”

St. Peter furiously checks his computer and raises his head to Ian and says “we have no record of that on the system at all at all!”

Ian Paisley responds “and FURTHERMORE, only a week ago I was passing a Catholic Church with youngsters coming out having made their first communion and I was so impressed by their piety that I approached one young girl and gave her a pound”

St Peter returns to his computer, furiously clicking keys with muttered curses and again raises his head and says “We have got no record of that on our system”

A third time Ian Paisley responds and says “and FURTHERMORE only three days ago I noticed a group of Catholic Boyscouts out doing bob-a-job and I was so impressed by their good nature that I approached one of the boys and gave him a pound”

St Peter is clicking so hard on the keys at this stage smoke begins to rise from them. He tells Ian “I will have to go and talk to the BOSS as we have no record of any of this.

Off goes St Peter leaving a nervous Ian Paisley pacing up and down outside the Pearly Gates. Once Ian sees St Peter returning he rushes up to him and says “What did he say; What did he say?”

St Peters says “Here's your three quid back now F*** Off”

[MET-RX]

"Mammy are birds made from metal?" a little girl asks her mother. "No dear, why?" "coz daddy says he'd love to screw the ass of the bird next door......"