Aprils Comp

[kerry lad in town]

A lawyer and an Irishman are sitting next to each other on a long
flight. The lawyer is thinking that the Irish are so dumb that he
could get over on them easy...So the lawyer asks if the Irishman would
like to play a fun game.

The Irishman is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely
declines and tries to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, and says
that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't
know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says. This catches the
Irishman attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the
game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from The
Earth to the Moon?' The Irishman doesn't say a word, reaches in his
pocket pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the Irishman's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a
hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The lawyer uses his
laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net. He sends
e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. After one
hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the Irishman and
hands him $500. The Irishman pockets the $500 and goes right back to
sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the Irishman
up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes
down with four?'

The Irishman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back
to sleep.

[Westsidex]

Remember this is a written joke comp. no pics as we will be having a pic comp later.

Westside.

[westcorklad]

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father.
He asked if they were interested, both said they were very much in favour of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch!

[westcorklad]

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually
attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant.
So the waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the
gentleman who is seated over there,' and indicated the sender with a nod
of his head.
She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man,
then decided to send a reply to him by a note.
The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from
her and conveyed it to the gentleman.

The note read: 'For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a
Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and '7' inches in
your pants'.

After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in
return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him
to deliver it to the lady.

It read:
'Just to let you know things aren't always what they appear to be: I
have a Ferrari Maranello, BMW Z8, Mercedes CL600, and a Porsche Turbo in
my several garages; I have beautiful homes in Aspen and Miami , and a
10,000 acre ranch in Louisiana . There is over twenty million dollars
in my bank account and portfolio. But, not even for a woman as beautiful
as you, would I cut off three inches. Just send the wine back....

Tiger

[Alec Horan]

Nama !.............

[rimmerguy]

So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.. He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing.


Anyway... this yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother..


He begs her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such."


The fairy godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus! You're brown!"


The toad looks down and sees that he is brown except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the fairy godmother: "Wait a minute! My pecker's still yellow!"


To this the fairy godmother replies: "I don't do johnsons. You will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."


The toad thanks her and hops off on his way.


There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy godmother.


He implores her: "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off."


She, being a nice fairy godmother, takes out her magic wand and says: "Pokuscadabra! You're brown!"


The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the ole twig and berries,they remain purple. He says: "My wang is still purple!"


She says: "I don't do units, you will have to go see The Wizard of Oz for that."


To this the bear replies: "Well that's just dandy, but how the hell do I find The Wizard of Oz?"




The fairy godmother answers: "That's easy... just follow the yellow dick Toad!"


((((( how many times can you enter a joke ? )))))

[rover]

MAD MARY

Mad Mary was speeding around the hospital in her wheelchair, crazy Joe stopped her and asked her to produce her driving licence, Shit she said and sped off around the corner.

Insane Jim then stopped her and asked her to produce her insurance, Fuck! she said and sped off again. Rounding the corner she met Big John standing there naked with a massive erection, Oh No! she said, not the Fucking Breathalyser again?!!!

[bhoywonder]

Two prostitutes standing on a street corner. One says to the other, "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
The other replies, "No, but I've been swung around by the tits!"

[bhoywonder]

Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds later they come alight again, well the other day there was a fire at the factory that makes them.

[bhoywonder]

So I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.