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Thread: Aprils Comp

  1. #1
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    Default Aprils Comp

    A joke comp. Plain and simple. Best joke wins 250 shiney ones. Comp closes last day of April at midnight and the winner will be announced 1 st May.

    Sincerely,
    Westside.

  2. #2

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    Brian Cowen meets with the Queen of England and asks her, how come she has such an effective government?

    "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

    Cowen frowns "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?"

    The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle.

    " The Queen pushes a button. "Please send Gordon Brown in here, would you?"

    Brown walks into the room. "Yes Ma'm?"

    The Queen smiles. " Gordon. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.

    Who is it?"

    Brown answers, "That would be me."

    "Yes! Very good," says the Queen.

    Cowen returns to Dublin and asks Martin Cullen, the same question.

    "Martin. Answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

    "I'm not sure," says Cullen "Let me get back to you on that one." He goes to his advisors but none can give him an answer.

    Finally, he ends up in the toilet and recognises Willie O Dea's shoes in the next cubicle.

    "Willie can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

    Minister O Dea yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"

    Cullen smiles, and says, "Thanks!"

    He goes back to Cowen.

    "Howya, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Willie O' Dea."

    Cowen gets up, stomps over to Cullen, and smacks him one,

    " Ya Gobshite it's Gordon Brown!"

  3. #3

    Default

    a crab was been thrown out of the pub, on the way out the crab asks the bar man " why am i getting thrown out"?



    the barman says " because you were giving it all that"

  4. #4
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    Default

    Just been to the Doctors and he said I was paranoid... well, he didn't actually say that, but it's what the cunt was thinking....

  5. #5
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    Default

    3 men married wives from different cultures.
    1st man married a Chinese woman, he told her to do the dishes and the house cleaning,
    It took a few days but on 3rd day he came home to see a clean house & the dishes put away.
    2nd man married an Italian woman & he told her to do all the cleaning, dishes and cooking.
    1st day he didn't see any results, but by the 3rd day he saw the house was clean, dishes done and the dinner on table.
    3rd man married an Irish woman and he told her to clean the house, wash the dishes, mow the lawn &
    have hot meals on the table 3 times a day.
    1st day he didn't see anything.
    2nd day still couldn't see anything,
    by the 3rd day some of the swelling had gone down & he could see a little out of his arm was healed well enough to fix a sandwich & load the dishwasher!

  6. #6
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    Default since it's easter


  7. #7
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    A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, “What are these things daddy?” His dad said, “Condoms son.” The boy asked, “Why do they come in packs of 1, 3 and 12?” The dad replied, “The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night. The ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday. And the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March…”

  8. #8
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    Default

    Whats brown and sticky?


    Anal sex

  9. #9
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    Default

    I have a sarcastic washing machine. It takes the piss out of my underpants.

  10. #10
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    Default

    A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says: 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

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