I heard this story about Archbishop John Charles McQuaid, the former Duce of Ireland and the only thing I have in common with him is that we share the same alma mater.

He was a keen gun's man and found out that there was a habitual masturbating monkey in Dublin Zoo (primates in captivity maturbate constantly out of boredom).

So he arranged by his positon of power to get into the zoo after hours, armed with his rifle and telescopic sight and shot the poor thing dead.

One clear memory I have of Catholic boarding school is the "Retreat" and how they preached against the evils of maturbation.