Crap joke of the day

[whiteball]

When I see names of lovers engraved
on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic.
I find it weird how many people take knives
with them on outings.

[whiteball]

The other day, my girlfriend asked me
to pass her lipstick but I accidentally
passed her a glue stick. She still isn't
talking to me.

[whiteball]

"I work with animals," the guy says
to his Tinder date. "That's so sweet,"
she replies. "I like a man who loves
animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.

[whoseyourdaddy]

I was doing some work on my family tree and discovered I have distant relatives in Transylvania.


Haven't been able to look myself in the mirror since....

[whiteball]

I thought opening a door for a lady
was good manners, but she just
screamed and flew out of the plane.

[whiteball]

My girlfriend dumped me,
so, I stole her wheelchair.
Guess who came crawling
back?

[whiteball]

My wife left a note on the fridge
saying, this is not working."
I don't know what she's talking
about, the fridge is working fine.

[whiteball]

My girlfriends dog died, so I bought
her another identical one.
She just screamed at me and said:
"What am I meant to do with two
dead dogs?!?"

[whiteball]

Top tip: If your wife says:
"What would you most like
to do to my body?"
"Identify it," is the wrong answer.

[whiteball]

Don't challenge Death to a
pillow fight. Unless you're
prepared for the reaper
cushions.